


Reciprocation

by OhSoSexyNerd



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Confusion, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Quidditch, Sirius/Remus - Freeform, Slow Burn, antics, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-03-03 18:05:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2860043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhSoSexyNerd/pseuds/OhSoSexyNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's seventh year for the infamous Marauders and as adulthood looms, Remus and Sirius both begin to develop feelings towards one another which they believe can't possibly be mutual. As both boys withhold their affections, angst and confusion grow; causing chaos between the Marauders and bringing unforeseen dangers into the path of our favourite Hogwarts bad boys.<br/>Meanwhile James seems to be keeping his own secrets and Lily feels she must take action to make her friends realise that their feelings would be reciprocated, if only they gave the other a chance...</p><p>Lots of grumping and fluff with eventual smut.</p><p>All characters and settings belong to the wonderful JK Rowling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Professors and Goblins

Sirius forced his eyes open. The lesson was finally ending.

Blearily he looked around at his friends, who, like him, looked as if they'd aged a few years during the course of Binns's lecture.

 He surveyed the space in front of him- James was almost drooling as Lily bent over to pack her books away, and to his left, Peter had woken up and was now looking terrified as an irate Aline Patil yelled at him for drooling on her notes that she hadn't been able to save. Sirius sniggered inwardly, looked to his right… and froze.

An evil smile tugged at his lips as he saw Remus still snuffling in his sleep amongst his mountain of notes. All four of the Marauders knew it was each to their own when it came to protecting themselves from the other's pranks, and Remus had taken that risk.

"Psst! Prongs!" he whispered to his friend. James reluctantly drew his eyes away from Lily Evan's retreating form and looked towards his partner in crime.

"What is it Pads? Did Peter accidentally eat your notes on Gornuk the Greedy again? Because we all know it was Moony who wrote those anyw-"

James stopped speaking as he noticed his friend's urgent hand gestures. His eyes finally came to rest on the object of Sirius's pointing: their oblivious, sleeping comrade. He grinned in a way which would have put the Prewitt twins to shame.

As one, they stalked forward, drawing their wands, but both stopped at what they reckoned to be a safe distance: they had felt the somewhat painful consequences of waking Remus prematurely from his sleep.

Sirius raised his arm.

"Levicorp- aahh!"

Remus's precautionary shield charm blew both of them off of their feet and crashing into desks as he woke with a start; knocking all his notes to the floor.

Standing up and surveying his two best friends, Remus Lupin didn't look in the least bit regretful.

A low grunt came from the wreckage and Sirius's head came into view. He flicked the rock-star-esque waves of dark hair off his face; wincing at the bruise forming where his head had collided unceremoniously with James's copy of Quidditch through the ages.

"Moony!" he groaned as he unfolded precariously to his full height. "I could have broken-"

"A nail?" Remus asked innocently.

He laughed as Sirius's expression turned into a sulky pout and a rather Slytherin-ish glare.

"Just kidding Pads" Remus said with a smile. "And anyway-" he looked down at an unconscious James, who was sprawled haphazardly across the floor. "-I think I better get Potter here up to the Hospital Wing..."

He gave Sirius a mischievous smile. "Don't want him missing out on a double potions lesson now would we?" Remus raised his eyebrows mock horror. "He'd never forgive us."

Sirius snorted.

"You'd be surprised Moony. Prongs love being bossed around by Evans." He chuckled. "Even if she is telling him how much of an utter arse he is."

Remus let out a bark of laughter; almost dropping the prone body of his friend whom he had started to levitate.

"S-see you at lunch" he stuttered with a suppressed chuckle; before maneuvering himself and his floating friend somewhat clumsily out of the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius looked up from the mounting pile of food on his plate as he heard a familiar voice whining copiously somewhere at the other end of the great hall.

His friends were walking towards him: Remus wearing his signature crooked smile followed closely by James, who was casting glances around him to assess his audience as he complained loudly about his injuries acquired in the earlier incident.

Many people heard, including a certain red head who exclaimed bluntly "Oh Potter stop being such a drama queen."

"But look!" James insisted pulling his shirt up to show the remnants of a nasty looking bruise.

Lily raised a thin, preened eyebrow and Sirius smirked mischievously.

"Well Evans, maybe if you kissed it better James might-" His sentence ended abruptly as he ducked a harsh blow from a seething Lily's direction.

"Dangerous waters Pads" Remus murmured as he sat down and started to load up his own plate.

Lily glowered at them and both boys hunched over their plates of food to hide their sniggers. She had become surprisingly infamous for leaving those who crossed her with a bloody nose… and not from a hex or curse. With a small 'Harrumph' of annoyance she got up and flounced away. James stared wistfully after her and collapsed into her abandoned seat.

"She's so…"

"Violent?" Remus offered.

"Evil?" muttered Sirius.

"…Amazing" James sighed; spooning jelly unwittingly onto his roast dinner.

His two friends shared a look of mild disgust.

"Well, if I want to get to potions on time I'm going have to go and throw up from that horrific display now rather than later" Sirius proclaimed as he rose to his feet.

Remus rolled his eyes but a smile was still playing on his lips. Sirius leant over his friend and mimed vomiting into the gravy boat which Remus had been reaching for and was promptly batted away by a protesting hand.

"Aww, Padfoot!" Remus groaned as he pushed away the now much less desirable gravy.

"You love it really Moony." Sirius chuckled; blowing a mocking kiss towards his friend. "And look after Prongs; he looks like he wouldn't notice a Werewolf standing next to him!"

Remus’s gaze flickered sharply towards Padfoot; giving a warning glare to the other boy which soon crumbled with a glance at his infamous dark blue puppy eyes staring dolefully back. His lips twitched involuntarily

"He would if the werewolf had Evans' legs on it!"

James' head suddenly snapped up at the red head's mention and his two friends roared with laughter. Sirius leant on Remus's shoulder for support before finally staggering up to make his way towards the exit.

"W-watch out Remus, he'll be after you at this rate!" He yelled.

Moony sighed and shook his head at the ridiculously handsome boy’s retreating back.

 _Ridiculously handsome?_ He thought to himself in surprise.  _Where did that come from?_

Pushing the thought from his mind, he shook his head slightly before heading slowly towards the exit of the Great Hall and the path down to the dungeons.


	2. Green-eyed Love

"Now Today" Slughorn announced importantly "You will be observing the effects of different love potions on a few of your fellow students."

He raised an eyebrow and surveyed the class of seventh years gravely. "So! Potter, Patil, Lupin, Black- ah! Not you Sirius I meant Narcissa "The two cousins regarded each other with open disdain. “Then Nott and Greengrass"

After several muffled groans of displeasure, the chosen students made their way reluctantly to the front of the dimly lit room; shifting uncomfortably under the curious gazes of the rest of the class.

Slughorn moved towards the line and rearranged them in an order he seemed to think better: with Remus at one end and James at the other.

"Now James will have this brewed for him to test." The Professor shook a small pink bottle as an example. "Lily if you brew this for Mister Potter here. It's rather common a potion; usually found in joke shops or little stalls off Diagon Ally. Now, they aren't very potent-"

A strange sputtering noise interrupted him. The class turned round just in time to see Sirius toppling off of his stool in a fit of poorly contained sniggers.

Slughorn didn’t even have to raise an eyebrow to make his weary resignation apparent in the small room.

"Mr. Black would you be so kind as to share what you find so amusing?" Slughorn asked dryly. A couple of people giggled nervously. _Although I think I may already know_ the teacher thought to himself with mild amusement.

"P-Potter" Sirius gasped, trying to recover. "There's no point giving Evans' potion to Potter, he's already been chasing her around for the last five years!” he eventually choked out. “How... how that potion could even, could possibly…" Sirius doubled up, the hilarity that James’ pointless pursuit of Evans often wrought bringing tears to his eyes.

Several other people laughed and nodded in agreement at this; their teacher seemed to be smiling knowingly whilst the class was distracted. James scowled, his face flushing to match perfectly with his potion as his gaze slid in unfamiliar discomfort to the floor.

"Well" Slughorn proclaimed loudly, dispelling the last few giggles and whispers. "Lily, if you would be a dear and just swap places with Mr. Potter"

The red haired girl looked horrified but complied without argument; giving a baleful look to her favourite Professor. James' reaction on the other hand, was far more exuberant. His gaze shot up and a hopeful look glimmered in his dark eyes.

The portly Professor then walked up the line, distributing love potion recipes of increasing strength along it and finally handing the last and strongest potion to a slightly worried looking Remus; before pairing the students in the line with the remaining members of the class.

 

The three marauders settled at desks with their partners: James looking smugger with each passing second and Remus looked warily between the potent love potion recipe and the stunning blond haired Ravenclaw sat to his left.

Sirius had watched to see who Remus had been paired with and now cast dark glances towards Tiffany Clearwater as she flicked her blond shimmering waves of hair away from her face; whilst casting interested glances at Remus.

An unpleasant feeling curled in Sirius' stomach as he tried to ignore the fair haired partners and turned to Aline Patil, who had been tapping her foot impatiently.

"Merlin I thought I'd lost you there" She stated dryly; raising a perfect dark eyebrow.

"Well it wouldn't be the first time it's happened in potions" he replied honestly; ramping up the charm to full blast to distract himself from the strange feeling he had been getting every time he had looked towards Remus and his pretty partner. He gave Aline a lazy smile and winked; causing her to blush and fumble blindly for the right ingredients.

 

Across the room Remus scowled and turned his back form the display of outrageous flirting by his friend.

"Right!" Slughorn exclaimed jovially. "Now for the final step. The potion brewer must say the incantation 'Amour Maxima' and wave their wand like so" He demonstrated a delicate twirling movement. "Et Voilà!" he proclaimed in a painfully rusty French accent.

The class chatted excitedly and Remus watched Tiffany and she performed the final steps and then handed him the potion.

He looked sceptically at the iridescent sheen. A waft of the brew suddenly came towards him and his senses were overpowered by a wave of delicious chocolate, oranges and a warm, familiar scent that he recognised from their dorm overpowered him and with a shrug that seemed to say "What the heck!" he downed the phial of liquid and looked up to see the most beautiful woman in the world.

 

* * *

 

 

The three Marauders were walking slowly back from potions. James looking as if he had won 1000 Galleons, Remus staring forlornly at his feet as the love potion's antidote kicked in and Sirius scowling and keeping a frosty silence as they headed along the familiar path to Gryffindor tower.

James chattered endlessly about the lesson and, of course Lily, who had begrudgingly taken the potion that had caused her to flirt with him for an hour.

James's hand gestures were animated and his expression bright and he recounted Lily's proclamations of love: "And then she said-"

"Oh for Merlin's sake Prongs" Sirius cut in harshly. "She's just going to go back to hating you, as usual, once the potion wears off" His face set in a stony mask once more and he went back into his brooding silence.

James looked, for a second, as if he would hit his friend, but then his shoulders slumped in defeat and he gaze slid dejectedly at the floor.

Remus, who had been snapped out of his thought pattern by the sudden raised voices, looked up at his friends with a frown.

"Sirius-"

"And I suppose you had a great time too: you were all over Tiffany Clearwater.  You going to be dating her now or something?" Sirius hissed venomously. The words seemed to be flowing from his mouth of their own accord, fuelled by the inexplicable rage that had been growing ever since their potions class. Remus looked at him in shock and a flicker of hurt and rage crossed his eyes before setting back into a cool detachment.

"See you at Quidditch practice." Remus said curtly before turning on his heels and heading back the way he had come.

Sirius bit back another sniping comment asking where he was off to, he already knew. The soft velvet chair at the back of the library that Moony always went to when he needed time alone... and especially when he was angry or upset.

The knot in Sirius's stomach tightened painfully and James quietly uttered the password "Sugar Quill" then they both stepped through the portrait hole.

Sirius went and sat in front of the common room's blazing fire place, cross legged and picking at the Persian rug as he scowled at the merry dancing of the flames that seemed to mock his foul mood.

As he continued to fidget, in his mind he silently argued with himself. He was losing. His stubbornness warred with an overwhelming wave of regret at his earlier harsh words to both of his friends and a need for their company; in particular, Remus'.

But Sirius was still seething from the potions lesson. For a while longer he continued to brood over the matter, then as if from far away, a faint but insistent voice reached his ears.

"Hey. Hey, Sirius!" Aline Patil's thin, colourful form came into focus. "By Circe, your worse than my owl!”

Sirius's lips formed an irritated pout and the girl laughed softly.

"What?" he growled.

"James told me to remind you its Quidditch practice in twenty minutes. Oh, and as an incentive to get your perfect arse down to the pitch..." She looked him over with a mischievous glint in her eye. "He said if you don't leave quickly I can extract you from the common room... by any means necessary"

She raised her wand innocently and Sirius eyed her hand and the offensive item warily. The Patil girl's tickling charms were legendary (her brother had warned the whole of Gryffindor of that particular fact).

With a sigh he unfolded his limbs and gave a rather cat- like stretch before starting towards the boys staircase to retrieve his Quidditch robes. As he passed a smirking Aline he thought he caught a faintly muttered "Drama Queen!" from under her breath before she too turned away towards her own dormitory staircase.

He had retrieved his robes and broom and was just about to leave when he stopped suddenly.

A slight growl of frustration vibrated in his throat as he realised he would have to seek out the last member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and carry  _All_ of their kit to them. Remus.

Begrudgingly he threw the second pair of scarlet robes into his bag and shouldered the extra broomstick. Then with an angry venting kick at Remus's trunk he started off out of the warm common room and towards the Library.

_'Great'_  Sirius thought grumpily. ' _Now I have to apologise.'_

 

 

 

 


	3. A Close Call

Remus was sat on his favourite chair in the library.

His legs curled snugly against the soft velvet and he sat engrossed in the copy of "Advanced Potions”: catching up on the subject that stumped him the most. He slowly poured through the battered volume, taking care turning each fragile page whilst thin rays of evening sunlight slanted through the high glass windows; making his coppery hair glow softly and warming his curled up body from the castle's autumn chill.

All of a sudden a familiar lanky, broad shouldered figure turned quietly into view around the far bookshelves at the end of the row. Remus felt a strange tightening in his chest that seemed to be half agitation and half begrudging happiness at seeing his friend loping gracefully towards him.

"Um..." Sirius' usually cool, reserved expression held a hint of discomfort behind his dark eyes. "Moons, Quidditch practice is in ten minutes... I brought your robes and broom..."

The sandy haired boy looked up in surprise at his friend.

Sirius shrugged "You know how Potter is on the Quidditch pitch- he turns into a bit of a fire-breathing dragon at times."

Remus smiled slightly at the rather accurate description and stretched his legs out experimentally as he made to stand up.  He paused, brow furrowed in confusion and a frown tightened the tanned skin around his mouth.

"Why were you so awful to James earlier?" He asked looking guardedly up at his friend, _and me_ he added silently.

Sirius winced slightly and leant towards the other boy who was still sat in his armchair; he leant a hand on either arm of the piece of furniture so that he was just about eye level with Remus.

"I-I didn't mean to... but I was already angry and I guess it just come out..."

There was a moment's pause.

Sirius slumped his shoulders slightly in a regretful gesture and bit his lip as he looked back up at his friend for a sign of understanding. Remus met his friends pained gaze and asked slowly,

"Why were you angry?"

A pair of dark eyes, such a deep blue they were almost black, were burning into Remus's rich, caramel ones. He failed to decipher what his sentence had caused Sirius to think of, but he noticed the shift in the other boy’s emotions and saw the strange, intense glint in his eyes.

Sirius leaned over him.

His breath hitched in his throat as he suddenly noticed their proximity to one another. His eyes ran over a strong pale jaw and elegantly high cheekbones; he noted how Sirius's mid length dark strands of hair fell over those blazing eyes.

He leant instinctively towards the heat of Sirius's broader frame and his breath hitched as a foreign feeling uncurled in his stomach and spread like wildfire through his limbs. He brought his gaze back to the other boy, who was now close enough that Remus could feel his equally shallow breath against his cheek.

"Sirius..." Remus was shocked as the words came out unsteady and low. Sirius's eyes glowed with a dark light; their noses brushed and their lips, both parted and flushed with emotion, were within touching distance.

"I...” Sirius's voice was slightly strangled.

They stayed frozen like that, drinking in each other's air for a few precious moments...

Then without any warning the taller boy sprang away from a dazed Remus and was gone. Running at a mad dash as far as his long legs would carry him, out of the library and down endless short-cuts; into the autumn air.

 

Remus sat frozen on his seat for a few minutes. The warmth that had begun to engulf him receded, leaving an aching hollow space in his chest; as bewilderment and confused emotions slowly morphed into a broiling anger.

Wordlessly he sprang up and kicked the blameless piece of furniture in which the event had occurred. Swallowing a hiss of pain he snatched up his Quidditch kit and stormed out of the library; earning an affronted look from the young Madame Pince as he passed.

His lone figure stalked across the empty grounds in the still bright evening sun.

Brownish-blond strands of hair blew across his face which was set in a grim, stony mask.

Remus was fuming. Usually he managed to keep his emotions in check.

But this was different.

He and Sirius had almost kissed.

_Almost_ his conscience taunted. The werewolf growled quietly under his breath.

He was stupid. Stupid to get his hopes up. Stupid to think Sirius thought of him like that.  _Heck, since when have you thought of him like that?_ He asked himself silently. He sighed.

But for a few glorious seconds it had seemed as if Sirius  _was_  thinking of him like that.

_And it had felt so right._

But Black was pure blood, narrow minded and arrogant- a Slytherin at heart.

  _No that wasn't true_ Remus thought shamefully. Sirius wasn't like his family- not in the ways that mattered, in fact, he resented them. He'd even left home and now spent his holidays at Hogwarts or with the Potters.  _You can't blame Sirius for this_ Remus chastised himself.  _Just because you’re in love with him._

He stopped.

_You’re in love with him._

_Fuck._

The Werewolf swayed on the spot for a moment, his mind chewing over this new information. Then, with a deep breath, he carried on towards the looming Quidditch stands.

As he made his last few steps to the changing rooms he stumbled, as a voice in his head said venomously. _But he doesn't love you back._

* * *

 

 

James Potter surveyed his team, who were strewn throughout the changing rooms.

Helena Wood, their keeper was sat chatting to Rebecca Swan, their second beater.

Helena was medium height with mousy hair and sparkling grey eyes. She had a deceptively quiet demeanour outside the Quidditch pitch, and a fiercely passionate and protective one when it came to the airborne sport.

Rebecca on the other hand, was tall and curvy, with thick waves of platinum blond hair and large chocolate eyes that any man could fall in love with. But the girl was also surprisingly boy-ish; with a good sense of humour and a formidable beater's arm.

Then there were the Prewitt twins. Both tall and lithe in build (rather unlike their older sister Molly) with dark, fly away auburn hair and greenish/hazel eyes. The pair seemed almost to think and move as one during both life and Quidditch; together they were phenomenal Chasers.

Finally there were his friends.

Sirius, carelessly handsome and well aware of it. Tall with a wiry muscled build and broad shoulders, he was Gryffindor’s centre chaser. He wasn't like Gideon and Fabian with their seamless communication and passes. But he was fast and had a talent for finding ways of outsmarting the other team. And most of all, he was daring.

James looked around frowning.  _But where was-?_ As if on cue a troubled looking Mooney stumbled into the room.

"Sorry James" He murmured quietly before heading over to a bench at the opposite end of the room to Sirius, and began to change into his scarlet robes.

Remus was possibly the most interesting of the lot, James thought to himself. He'd only joined the team last year after endless prompting from both James and Sirius. No one else had thought he'd suit the rather violent sport; never mind becoming a beater... but they hadn't seen him punch the then head boy, Lucius Malfoy, in their fourth year when he'd had Sirius beaten up by Theodore Nott...

Remus's overwhelming protective instinct combined with his unusual amount of strength (All a part of the Werewolf infection according to Dumbledore) made him a brilliant beater.

When he'd first been chosen for the team the rest of Gryffindor had been sceptical of Remus, as he would be the third Marauder to join their Quidditch team. But after Goyle had ended up unconscious in the hospital wing for a week because of one of Mooney's bludgers, not a word had been said about Remus Lupin's right to be on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

James smiled to himself as he looked around at his team, there hadn't been one as good as this in decades and they were the favourite for the cup.

His eyes paused on each his two best friends and he frowned. Sirius and Remus, who normally sat together to chat and take the piss out of him for his "control freak" Quidditch attitude, were at opposite ends of the changing rooms and had avoided contact of any sort with one another. Also both of them seemed a bit... off.

James was no expert on emotions, but even he had noticed their strange behaviour. Sirius was glaring at the wall darkly, as if he was in the middle of a fierce argument with someone. And Remus... Remus looked distressed, angry and somewhat in pain.

A flicker of worry crossed James's hazel eyes. He'd only seem Remus like this once. He'd had an argument with his parents just before he had come back at Christmas and had lost it just before the full moon. He'd been found the next day by Hagrid, deep in the Dark Forest and barely alive. James bit his lip worriedly.

This couldn't be good.


	4. A Wolf's Self Control

James's fears were soon realised as the training session commenced.

Sirius was flying dangerously, getting in everyone's way (especially a certain werewolf) and generally being, in James’ humble opinion, an utter arse.

James watched warily between the team's exercises as Remus's expression became more and more strained as he teetered on the edge of losing his famed self-control.

Sirius continued to fly recklessly. He dodged, weaved and dived between his teammates; demonstrating some of his best and worst flying. Some the moves he pulled could give them the edge that won them a game... but he clearly wasn't flying with or for the team. He was doing it for his own entertainment and thrill seeking, putting all the others in increasingly difficult and dangerous positions.

This carried on as the sun sank lower in the sky and the team moved onto more complex, game replicating tactics.

And then it happened.

 

The chasers were advancing forward and Sirius had the Quaffle. They drew closer to the three towering hoops and he pulled away from the other two chasers, flying in in a graceful arc. Then as he neared the hoops where the keeper Helena and beater Rebecca were waiting, a bludger shot towards him. Sirius swerved, blocking the two girls' view of the oncoming object for a moment; they still hadn't seen the approaching bludger...

And then he dropped six feet, veering around them.

At the exact moment he scored in the left hand hoop, Fabian called out in warning, making Rebecca turn.

Catching the flash of movement she shot instinctively in front of her friend... and was knocked clean off of her broom.

Remus and James raced towards the falling figure and caught her ten feet from the ground; meanwhile the Prewett twins escorted a shaken Helena down to the pitch.

The last member of the team landed hard and strode over to the other six scarlet figures. James was leaning worriedly over Rebecca's prone form and Remus had her head resting in his lap as he surveyed her injuries, then pulled his wand from his robes and started to murmur quiet incantations.

The team keeper was shaking visibly and so she was gently helped back to the changing rooms by the worried twins; Gideon muttering a quiet"We'll take Helena up, see you guys back in the tower." as they departed.

Once they were out of earshot James stared disappointedly at his friend.

"That was out of order Pads." he shook his head in weary exasperation. "Why did you pull that stunt on your own team mates?"

Sirius scowled at the ground, kicking up dirt with the toe of his boot.

"It's not that big a deal, I just wanted to see if it would work."

"What, and risk Becca's life?" Remus exclaimed angrily. "That's hardly great moral grounding for _anything_ Black, but Quidditch? Merlin you’re an arse"

Sirius turned to look disbelievingly at his usually gentle friend; then his gaze became cold and hostile.

"Well I'm sorry  _Lupin."_ Sirius hissed. "You  _are_  rather protective of your women today."

Remus stood up slowly.

His expression was stony and his muscles were tense and bunched up; trembling.

Sirius carried on obliviously. "But I don't know  _what_ Tiffany would think if she could see you now, no matter how much she enjoyed your hands on her-"

_Smack!_

Sirius lay sprawled on the floor, several feet from where he'd been standing. The side of his face throbbed and his nose streamed blood as it began to set in its new, crooked angle.

Remus strode towards the boy he had just hit. His eyes flashed dangerously and glowed, yellow-ish and wolf like in the fading light.

"You’re a heartless bastard you know that Black?" Remus's voice was frighteningly calm, bar a slight waver as he said the other boy's name.

He advanced further. "I joined this team to protect you in matches" he shook his head, letting out a hollow laugh. "But I'm not staying if I can't even protect the team  _from_ you."

He turned around and looked at a frozen James. "Sorry Prongs, I quit."

His eyes slowly melted back to their usual calm as he looked sadly at the Captain's shocked face.

And then he turned, and walked away.

The expression of shock on James' face soon fell into one of despair and anger. He turned to his friend and Sirius flinched: worried that another one of his teammates would attack him.

"I hope your happy Pads, you just lost us a brilliant Quidditch player." He stared into his friend- virtually brother's dark eyes. "And possibly lost  _yourself_ a great friend." he added as an afterthought.

Sirius looked slightly pained as he gave up trying to stem the blood flowing from his nose and sunk his head to his knees.

James hoped in was out of remorse rather than the pain from his broken face. Muttering angrily, the Captain turned to Rebecca and whispered "Rennervate" accompanying a sharp flick of his wand and the unconscious chaser began to wake.

James motioned silently for Sirius to leave and so with a bitten back groan of pain he started slowly towards the changing rooms.


	5. Furry Little Problem

Remus stormed back towards the candle lit castle, resisting the urge to run at full pelt, which when this close to the last full moon, would be quite a lot faster than was considered 'normal'. The werewolf winced at the memory of what Sirius called it his ‘furry abilities’...  _‘All part of your furry little problem eh Moony?’_

The voice was all too clear and real as ever in his head as he recalled the moment when his friend had said this.  _Sirius teasing him, his lip quirking into a sly smile as he wrapped an arm around Remus’ shoulder and despite the drawling tone of his voice, his eyes were soft and warm..._

Remus shook his head violently and growled in his throat.  _What was wrong with him?_ He laughed at the irony of the thought, hell what  _wasn't_ wrong with him?

_'You love Sirius'_  his conscience muttered.

_'Never mind that, I punched Sirius...'_

_'Oh merlin, I punched Sirius!'_

The full gravity of what he had done suddenly hit him and Remus stifled a small whimper. Leaning on his broom for support he tried to calm the slight tremble of his hands as he paused for a moment. Then, with a shaky sigh, continued on towards the castle doors.

 

* * *

 

 

Lily pattered absent mindedly down the last stair case towards the great hall, as her mind ran over all the places her best friend could be.

She knew Remus had Quidditch practice today... but he was never late back from that and would even leave early if he had to. She knew he hated making her wait for him for prefect duties-  _so where was he?_

Lily hummed thoughtfully as she wandered across the entrance hall and as she shook her long bright red hair, someone else noticed her...

James Potter had just entered the castle doors after the rather eventful Quidditch practice when he spotted Lily.

Beaming to himself he all but skipped over to her in a flurry of scarlet and gold robes,

"Hello Evans" he whispered in her ear; bouncing on the balls of his feat. She started slightly out of her thoughts and was promptly dragged by the arm by the lanky boy into the nearest broom cupboard.

"James!" She exclaimed, half laughing as her pulled her close and kissed the tip of her nose.

The broad shouldered Quidditch player continued to place kisses on her cheeks, her jaw, her neck... and Lily Evans smiled in content and wrapped her arms around his neck; she looked into the hazel eyes of James Potter- the boy she had loathed consistently for the duration of her time at Hogwarts... until last Christmas that is...

"Lils...” James asked quietly.

"Yes Potter?" He gave her a hurt look and she blushed, "Sorry, old habit."

"When are we going to tell them?" Lily sighed as he moved to wrap his arms around her waist.

"I-I don't know... soon. I just need to get a bit more... used to this" She said eventually; motioning between the two of them.

The messy haired boy nodded and Lily mussed the already gravity defying birds nest affectionately.

"Thank you for doing this for me James, I know how hard it is for you to keep secrets from them."

James chuckled rubbing small circles into his girlfriend's back.

"I doubt they've noticed Lils, they're too busy pissing each other off at the moment... Merlin knows what's got into them." Lily turned to her boyfriend in shock.

"What Remus too?"

James nodded mutely then sighed. "Sirius was being an idiot and Moony hit him then quit the team-"

" Remus _hit_ Sirius?" Lily gasped.

"Yeah, they've been at each other's throats ever since Potions with Sluggy, but it beats me what's wrong... ah well. " he shrugged.

Lily shook her head as she processed the information... something was going on between those two... and she was going to find out as sure as Remus loved Honeydukes best chocolate.

She reached up gently and kissed James on the lips; she could feel him smiling as they broke apart.

"Well I've got to go Pot-James. Remus has Prefect duty while I’m on my head girl rounds and I need to check if he's alright." James, not seeing what Lily had about the Sirius-Remus fiasco, personally thought the werewolf would be fine- if still a bit wound up.

But Lily insisted and with a chaste peck on his cheek she crept carefully out of the broom cupboard and into the thankfully deserted entrance hall, before turning towards the huge, oak doors and striding purposefully towards the Quidditch stands; unaware that Remus had passed the place her and James had been just moments before and was now deep within the castle.

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius stripped off his muddy Quidditch robes, perhaps in a more aggressive manner than was strictly necessary, and climbed into one of the seven team shower cubicles in the deserted changing rooms.

"Gaah!"

With a yelp he leapt out of the spray of icy water, standing back out of the cubicle and glaring darkly at the offending shower head. He shuddered at the cold and shook frozen droplets out of his damp and slightly curling hair.

"Ahem..." An amused cough came from the other end of the changing rooms; Sirius jumped slightly then turned his head to find the perpetrator.

"Oh, hey Evans" Sirius smiled in a very un-angelic manner around the new swelling of his face and winked in a way that no man except Sirius Black could get away with to that certain red-head.

"Black, why, may I ask, are you standing here completely naked?" She said with a raised eyebrow.

The look of unabashed arrogance that she was expecting, did not in fact, appear on Sirius' face. Instead his confident cool façade slipped.

"I'm just taking a shower Lily" he exclaimed exasperated; not realising the young woman's look of shock at his slip of the tongue.

"Sirius?"

"Mmm..?"

"You just called me Lily..."

The dark-haired boy's eyes widened a fraction as a momentary look of confusion crossed his face and then he shrugged; pulling a towel around his waist so he could turn to face her.

"So? You called me Sirius."

Lily rolled her eyes at the perfectly valid but unnecessary retort.

"Don’t get smart, you _never_ call me by my first name... well, unless your distracted" She mused thoughtfully. "Which usually means your upset..." Lily's mind raced.

_This had to be to do with his fight with Remus... but she couldn't ask him that, because then she'd have to let on that she'd been with James. And she couldn't do that, not yet._

She turned her attention back to the young man in front of her.

"Sirius... what's wrong?" She enquired, feigning ignorance.

His head snapped up and he stared at her; emotion flitted briefly across his face: Shock, annoyance and... _Fear?_

"Nothing" he exhaled quietly.

Lily suppressed another urge to roll her eyes at his blatant lie and instead walked across the room towards him. The boy may be an arrogant prick sometimes but even Lily Evans couldn't fail to notice that he was downright gorgeous. And his beautiful self needed her help. He just didn't know it yet.

"Well I'll find out what it is" She said confidently. Sirius grimaced. Lily had an uncanny talent for finding out people's problems (Or, as Sirius liked to put it, _nosing around where people didn't want her to_.)

When she didn't receive any response Lily carried on anyway. "Well, do you know where Remus is, seeing as you haven't been helpful with anything else I've asked?"

The sudden shift in Sirius' expression caught Lily's eye his brow knitted and him mouth set tightly into a grim line; a dark shadow seemed to cloud his eyes as he subconsciously lifted his hand towards his face...  _Wait, was that a broken nose?_

“I hope he's as far away from me as possible" Sirius growled; yanking the shower curtain back open to a minutely warmer flow of water.

Lily sighed internally.  _Boys..._

"Black, let me see to that." She said eventually, indicating to his battered face. He eyed her wand laden hand warily but didn't move away or flinch at her fierce gaze. Her cool fingers probed the askew cartilage for a moment making him wince.

"Episkey” she murmured with her trademark air of quiet confidence.

"Nyahh!" Sirius exclaimed, his eyes widening and then quickly narrowing as he glared angrily at the smirking red-head.

"All fixed!" Lily chimed airily. Then she shoved him violently into the shower cubical. "Now get in there." She smirked, deftly whipping away his towel.

"You cheeky little-"

"And I  _will_ find out what's going on with you and Remus" She interrupted in a somewhat threatening tone.

Then with a sly wink towards a for once speechless and  _very_ naked Sirius Black, Lily swept out of the changing rooms in search of her best male confidant, Remus John Lupin.


	6. The Prefect's Bathroom

Lily strode purposefully through the empty corridors and hallways of the castle; passing a few stray students hurrying back to their common rooms before curfew and silvery ghosts gliding silently through moonlit passageways as she ascended steadily through the fortress.

Her feet guided her along familiar paths: hopping trick steps on the ever-changing staircases, listening carefully for approaching footsteps (She'd had a few unpleasant encounters with purist Slytherin morons in the past whilst in Hogwarts' deserted corridors), and dodging into hidden shortcuts with the ease and knowledge of someone who had been taught by the best.

Rounding a final corner, she muttered the password  _"Aquamarine"_  and slipped into the vast and beautiful Prefect's bathroom.

She smiled slightly as the intricate patterns on the tiles began to move: delicate sapphire and jade coloured waves ebbing gently across the glistening floor, before crashing in a foamy spray against the various bases of walls and pillars in the room. The towering stain glass windows cast strange, muted versions of their original colours across the room in odd, merging shapes.

Lily shook her head slightly and surveyed the shadows and eerie patches of moonlight; her eyes finally falling on the person, who, as she had suspected, was moving quietly around the enormous tub in the middle of the room.

A scarlet robed figure was walking slowly between the brass taps of the huge "bath", turning on a few select taps that filled the room with a chocolaty-orange scent and tufts of fluffy bath foam; whilst curls of golden steam rose into the air.

The red-headed girl hesitated slightly as she watched her friend go through the steady practiced movements.

"Remus." Lily called gently; taking a step towards the mud spattered boy. He jumped with a start despite her soft tone.

As he turned towards her, Lily felt her chest constrict painfully as tear tracks streaked clear paths through the dirt and grime of Quidditch practice on her friend’s face. Lily stepped forward, her brilliant green eyes glimmering as she reached an arm towards her friend.

Remus turned away hastily, swiping at his face and avoiding a concerned Lily's bright gaze as he chewed at his lip.

The red-head’s eyes widened; her brow knitting together as she emitted a small pained noise, somewhat like a whimper at the sight of her friend's distress, before hurtling across the space between them and throwing her arms around a very lost looking, and secretly grateful Remus Lupin.

 

* * *

 

 

After the Marauder's big fallout and Remus leaving the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the days seemed to crawl by; with the Gryffindors split into odd, separate groups from the recent argument.

The common room was significantly quieter without their raucous antics, which had been replaced with an aura of uneasy tension and awkward silence. Even their Professors had noticed the drastic fall in disruption and chaos both in and out of their lessons. In short, life was rather dull for the rest of the school, and plain miserable for the Marauders.

But they seemed to have rather differing ways of coping with it.

 

Lily kept company with a still quite shaken Remus (although he would never show it to anyone but her) and they could be found sitting in companionable silence at meal times, working beside each other studiously during lessons or talking quietly about various pieces of homework or trivial subjects when in the library and common room.

James hovered between watching Sirius with a mixture of anger and worry; whilst sitting with a rather confused and annoyed Peter when other friends weren't around.

Sirius, on the other hand, had sat around the castle in brooding solitude for a few days; casting dark looks at his friends that had estranged him and any other Gryffindor who spoke with them. But then suddenly, one lunch time, he took to one of his most famous habits with a vengeance.

_Girls._

Whenever or wherever any of his friends saw him, he would be, at best: flirting outrageously with some poor soul who believed he  _really_ wanted them and at _worst... well..._ He could be seen disappearing and reappearing out of abandoned broom cupboards or empty classrooms with the schools most notorious get-around girls giggling in his wake.

At these times, often rather intimate noises could be heard when passing; much to the displeasure of the rest of the student body.

With Sirius's sudden skirt chasing antics re-starting, Remus threw himself tirelessly into his studies.

Anything to distract him from thinking about him, anything to stop him from walking round another corner to find Sirius entangled disgustingly with another brainless wonder. He spent endless amounts of time in the library or in the midst's of towers of books in his small safe haven at the back of the house common room, and Lily was always there for him.

Whether it be helping on a particularly difficult potions essay or just accompanying him on otherwise lonely visits to Hogsmeade, she showed kindness and loyalty that he hadn't thought possible and everyday he thanked her for it, but she simply waved his words away with an embarrassed gesture, and tiny smile.

Because she wasn't there out of pity, she cared relentlessly, wholeheartedly. It was simply who Lily Evans was.

Every time he saw Sirius with a new "conquest", knots curled unpleasantly in his stomach and his temper flared uncharacteristically: which could often cause hordes of younger students to flee the common room from his angry outbursts in terror... and of course, the rest of the 7th year Gryffindors just put it down to pre-exam stress...

But all the while, a fiery haired, green eyed girl watched over her friend and slowly, she began to piece together his odd behaviour. Until one wholly unremarkable Tuesday morning... she realised.


	7. Bittersweet

Lily woke bleary eyed and disgruntled as bright, golden shafts of sunlight crept slowly through lazily stirring dust moat and gaps in scarlet, velvet bed hangings. With a muffled groan into her pillow, her expression scrunched up in a rather disgruntled fashion as she turned away from the burning rays and yanked her bedclothes up over her head.

"Rise and shine ladies!" Aline chimed at the otherwise unconscious dormitory of seventh years. She sent four well aimed sparks from her wand at the slumbering figures, who all emitted various sounds of displeasure (Dorcas yelling a particularly impressive string of swear words) before deciding to leave the room as quickly as she had appeared; Lily just caught sight of the girl's long, dark plait of hair disappearing around the door frame as she disappeared down the tower staircase of the Gryffindor girls dormitories.

Barely suppressing a groan, Lily stretched her arms above her head, her flaming red hair tumbling around her shoulders as her joints emitted a series of sharp cracks and reluctantly she swung herself out of bed. Shuddering, she shuffled across to her draws to get dressed; continuing to shiver violently as she pulled on various garments and wandered listlessly towards the bathroom to inspect the damage of her long night revising transfiguration notes.

 

As she re-emerged Lily spotted Alice about to head out of the dorm.

"Al, wait up!" She called hurriedly. As she crossed the room, Dorcas raised a head of long, ink black hair to peer blearily at Lily, before indicating to the still motionless mound in the bed next to her. With a sigh, Lily tiptoed towards the bed, before ripping the bedclothes to the floor and then quickly retreating. With a scream of outrage that could have put a Banshee to shame, Marlene McKinnon emerged in a huddled mess of blankets and a wild mane of thick blond curls.

With a slight smile, Lily reached the safety of the corridor and with Alice by her side, cautiously descending the tower staircase before joining the throng of students crossing the common room to make the long journey down the changing staircases and into the Great Hall for breakfast.

 

* * *

 

 

The Great hall was buzzing quietly with students' early morning chatter as Lily and Alice sat down at the Gryffindor table. Owls swooped sedately overhead across the iron grey clouds of the hall's magical ceiling. Alice wrinkled her nose as Lily poured herself a mug of steaming hot coffee, stirring in a sugar before wrapping her hands around the cup and raising it to her lips with an appreciative smile.

"How can you drink that stuff?" The smaller girl asked as she pushed her short brown hair from her face; giving the drink in Lily's hands a dirty look as she poured her pumpkin juice. The red headed girl gave a sceptical look towards her friend's own lurid orange beverage and emitted a soft snort, before picking up a croissant and beginning to eat with small, dignified bites.

A few minutes later, a brooding figure sunk down at the table opposite the girls and the clouds seemed to darken slightly above him. Sirius' presence was quickly noticed by Aline Patil and Belinda Brown, who promptly sidled up to him on either side, and so the estranged Marauder begrudgingly began a conversation with them as he picked at a plate of food; eating alarmingly little in comparison to his usual mountain of cooked breakfast.

She studied his face, trying to find some indication of how Sirius might be reacting to the strife with the rest of the Marauders.

And suddenly, she watched as his expression shifted as his gaze fixed on something behind her and became almost pained and then...  _was that longing?_ She thought incredulously.

Lily turned in bewilderment to see Remus walking towards her.

She smiled warmly and he, somewhat wearily, returned the gesture. As he got closer however, Remus spotted something and acquired a look akin to that of a kicked puppy.

Lily whipped her head around again in time to see Sirius whispering seductively in Belinda's ear; to which she giggled girlishly.

Lily's eyes widened in half realisation and she turned back to her honey haired friend who had sat with his back to the offensive pair, his expression set in a scowl that met his plate and he violently speared a chocolate croissant with his fork and began to eat mutinously.

Lily smiled in delight.

"Remus?" The still sleep addled, grouchy boy looked up to see the red haired witch's sly expression and swallowed in fear.

_Good Godric this couldn't be good._

"Lily!" Remus yelped as the girl grabbed his arm and pulled him exuberantly off his bench. He had just enough time to grab his half eaten breakfast before being dragged bodily past the blank faces of students in an early morning stupor, until they were out into the entrance hall and then walking out of the huge double doors into the castle grounds.

"Lils, what the hell?" Remus exclaimed, yanking his arm from her grasp and rubbing the sore muscles irritatedly.

The girl stopped, her bright red hair bounced down her back and the early morning sun shone through it in a golden haze. A pair of startling green eyes fixed on his light brown-gold ones with a mischievous shine that made Remus feel he wasn't going to like what this was about.

"So..." she said casually, examining her nails in a deliberately nonchalant manner: An act unfortunately lost on Remus, as he had already spotted the tell-tale sly quirk of her mouth and excitable gleam in her eyes.

"So what Lily?" he exclaimed peevishly, growing increasingly restless at the silence that had been left between them.

"So…" She repeated, pausing sedately "how long have you fancied Sirius for?"

Silence.

Remus' stomach plummeted somewhere below his kneecaps; he turned to stare disbelievingly at his best friend as his face drained of colour. The dull thrumming of his heart echoed at double time in his eardrums as his mind searched frantically for something,  _anything,_ he could to deny her statement. Attempting to lick his lips, all he felt was a painfully dry, sand-papery texture as he choked out a small strangled sound.

"What? ...How?" His hands were shaking slightly, and when his pained gaze met Lily's, all trace of her previous deviousness vanished, replaced with wide-eyed realisation.

"Oh God Remus" She whispered softly. "I didn't... God…" she stammered "You love him, don’t you?"

She saw his shoulders slump visibly as his expression crumpled and he gave the tiniest of nods.

Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around him.

After several moments they broke apart. Remus glanced over at Lily as he noticed the strange look she had begun to give him.

"What is it?" He asked dispassionately. Lily bit her lip slightly, wincing as if she feared how he might react.

"Remus" she said eventually "Have you considered…" She hesitated as his expression became guarded.

"Lily" he warned in a frosty tone.

"But Remus what if he-"

"No"

"Sirius might-"

" _Stop it."_ He snarled at her. "Don't... don't you  _dare._ "

His eyes were wide and vulnerable; a raw storm of emotion hiding just below the surface.

"Don't." he finally managed, reining in all the exposed emotion of his previous outburst.

He clenched his eyes tight shut for a moment and when they opened they were harsh chips of flint once more.

"Don't give me hope" he stated flatly, before marching back towards the castle and leaving Lily Evans more helpless than she had felt in a very long time.


	8. Persuasion and Frustration

"Come _on_ Remus!" Lily implored for what seemed like the millionth time that morning.

It had been a week since she had realised her best friend’s feelings for Sirius, and it had taken much of that time between then and now for her to convince him that he couldn’t ignore her forever; never mind trying to persuade him to pursue the said feelings towards his dorm mate.

“I’ve got to study” Remus repeated wearily to chapter ten of _A History of Magic,_ which he had held unnecessarily close to his face to prevent looking the determined red head in the eye.

“But its Gryffindor verses Slytherin!” she exclaimed before plucking the book neatly from Remus’ grasp “And besides, I’m not studying, so I don’t see why you-“

 “I have a History of magic essay for Monday-“

“As do I Remus darling” Lily gave him a winning smile “But I’m doing mine tomorrow morning in the Library, you can join me… unless you have something arranged…?”

“Well no, I-“

“Good, it’s a date!” She chirped and turned her victorious gaze towards her friend’s; taking an expectant step towards the door.

With a sigh of defeat, he shook stray dark, sandy strands of hair from his eyes and followed Lily out of the room.

 

As they walked Remus slipped his books back into his satchel and went through the motions of buttoning his favourite (and rather ragged) muggle coat before winding his faded red and gold scarf methodically around his neck. They descended the staircase to the great hall in companionable silence and as they crossed towards the entrance to the grounds a figure in scarlet robes whistling merrily, if somewhat untunefully, ambled towards them.

James ruffled his hair and began to sweep towards the red-headed girl.

“Lils-Ah! And Remus.” James dropped the arm that had been about to rest on Lily’s shoulders as if he’d been scolded; the girl herself had gone wide eyed and distinctly pink in the face.

Remus looked up dazedly

“Oh, James, hi…” he said quietly, managing a small quirk of his lips in the Quidditch captain’s direction. The couple seemed to relax visibly at their friend’s obvious obliviousness to their weird actions. A short, awkward silence followed before James ducked his head nervously to peer at his dorm mate.

“Rem, come back to the team” he begged. The sandy haired boy gave an uncomfortable shrug and, taking this as encouragement, James carried on “we need you; the defence is terrible without you, and Sirius-“

“ _Black_ is the reason I left!” he snarled, rounding on his friend “Just… _leave it,_ James.” He sighed, squinting determinedly towards the distant mountains rather than at his friend’s shocked expression.

Lily laid a hand silently on James’ wrist and they shared a look; before she quickly let go and with a half-hearted wave James disappeared into the growing throng of people wending its way towards the Quidditch pitch.

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius threw down his Quidditch kit with unnecessary force in the empty changing rooms; before stripping out of his casual clothes until he was down to his boxers. He leant heavily against the cool wall. It was still early and no one would be down for a while. With a huff the boy brought himself to his full height before pulling off his boxers and wrapping a towel around his waist as he ambled towards the shower cubicles.

With a sigh he let the hot water wash over him as he rested his forehead on the tiled wall. Steam began to billow around him and the un-drenched pieces of hair around his face began to curl slightly in the humid air.

This was where he had been just after this had all started.

  _He remembered the anger surging through him with the memories of Remus flirting with Penelope Clearwater in the potions lesson still fresh in his mind. The inexplicable feelings that had been winding through his body in that moment in the library; with Remus just inches below him. Everything from that day had built into one rash, stupid act of idiocy._

_Then it had all been so fast. Rebecca falling from her broom, Remus’s face bright with outrage and he raised his fist and punched hard, harder than any normal human could; with an alien, yellow gleam in his eyes that had been feral and shining with rage._

_When he had reached the showers, Sirius had kicked the tiled wall of the cubical just two down from where he was now… he still remembered the crunch of bone, the flash of blinding pain. He’d welcomed it, it was a feeling. A sensation. Agony… but still better than letting the pair of hateful, wolfish eyes consume him. Madame Pomfrey however, had not been too happy…_

And now he was back.

Back for a match _without_ Remus, a weaker team; against Slytherin, the strongest other team of the four… and it was his fault.

But it wasn’t just Quidditch, (however much he tried to convince himself otherwise.)

 Since the argument, the Marauders had been split apart. He and Remus had been split apart.

He missed his friends.

He missed _Remus_.

He pressed his forehead painfully into the wall, his brow scrunched in conflict. He missed the easy, lopsided smile which had been replaced by blank stares. The quiet, throaty chuckle which inevitably followed the failure of one of Sirius and James’s pranks… or the success of one of his own. He missed the feeling of safety at Quidditch training of knowing that Remus had his back. Merlin he missed him.

The water shut off suddenly and Sirius cursed under his breath. He felt anger bubbling in the pit of his stomach as the loneliness and misery of the last few weeks filled his mind. Even if it had been his doing, Remus had abandoned _him,_ not vice versa. That hurt more than anything else. And it was a strange kind of hurt. Not the sort that he felt when James yelled at him and looked at him with disappointed eyes and not even akin to the night when he’d left his family, sneering and cursing in his wake.

It was something else, a physical ache in his throat. A sickening, twisting knot in his stomach whose cause had eluded him… or perhaps he just didn’t want to admit to himself…

With a hiss of anger, he tore his towel from the rail and scrubbed his hair ferociously into a tangle of dark curls before wrapping it around his waist and stepping into the changing rooms.

He looked up to find Rebecca Swan already dressed in her Quidditch robes and humming tunelessly to herself. As his foot slapped out in front of him (that strange flat noise that only ever comes from a bare foot hitting a damp, tiled surface) and Becca turned around with a start, then her expression relaxed into a small smile.

“Oh, Black, it’s just you”

Resisting the urge to take out the cocktail of emotion swirling in his belly on this innocent party (he had, after all, done her enough damage when he had started all of this in the first place); instead he nodded mutely in her direction and carried on towards his own scattered pile of clothes.

He turned half away from her and although he felt the familiar drag of eyes across him as he flexed his broad back and worked his boxers on under his towel, the usual appeal of female attention seemed lessened. There had been a time, not even that long ago, when he revelled in the feel of eyes tracked him across a room and the appreciative smirks or embarrassed blushes that followed when he deliberately caught their eyes.

But now… he just felt hollow.

Sirius woke from his reverie as he heard more of the team entering the room in a trampling murmur of nerves, tapping fingers and worn, muddy boots.

He looked down in mild surprise at his own completely dressed form. He hadn’t even remembered doing that.

James gave his pre match pep-talk; as usual, fused with jittering enthusiasm, Sirius stared down at his hands as they tied his boots in a rhythmic, soothing fashion.

Then he gripped his broom and as they began to file out into the thunderous roar of the Quidditch stand and tried, unsuccessfully, to rid his mind of swirling confusion and a pair of wolfish, amber eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

After forcing their way bodily through the crowded stand (aided significantly by Frank Longbottom’s broad shoulders and Alice’s shrill voice) Remus and Lily sank gratefully into some seats next to Marlene and Dorcas.

“Th-thanks, for saving, s-seats” Lily gasped breathlessly as she sunk into her chair and pulled her worn Gryffindor scarf more tightly around her neck.

“No worries Lils” Dorcas smiled easily towards her red-headed friend; Marlene thwacked the dark haired girl on the arm with her copy of _Witch Weekly_ magazine.

“Owww! –What the hell was that-?

“You’re welcome Lily, our most dearest and beloved friend” Marlene declared with a dramatic air “however in return for this kindness…” she shook soft waves of blond hair from her face, leaving her words hanging in the air and fixing her pretty blue eyes expectantly on her friend.

Lily huffed and rolled her eyes at the infamous Gryffindor blond. She always got her way.

“What do you want Marls?”

Marlene flashed her a blinding smile.

“Oh, butter beers at the three broomsticks next weekend Lily? Why thank you!” She grinned and then winked at Dorcas “That’s how you do it girl”

Lily continued to grumble to herself, and Dorcas shook her head; an involuntary smile still playing on her lips.

A sudden, raucous cheer went up and the group of Gryffindors turned to see the two Quidditch teams striding out onto the frost covered pitch.  A few members (The Prewett twins in particular) were egging on the crowd; waving their arms and offering more than mild threats towards the Slytherin end.

_“And the two teams are making their way onto the pitch for the first Quidditch match of the season, SLYTHERIN VERSES GRYFFINDOR!”_

The increase of cheering in the stadium was a positive wave of sound. Remus flinched with his sensitive hearing and adjusted his coat nervously.

“ _The snitch is released….”_  A hush fell around the pitch “ _aaand… THE GAME BEGINS!”_

Players shot like bullets through the air. Emerald and scarlet blurs streaking after one another and falling into tight formation.

 James rose above the action; Remus watched as the lean figure of his friend, the best seeker _and_ Quidditch captain in years, began to scan the pitch for the golden snitch.

“ _And it’s Gryffindor in possession, Black tearing up the pitch there, dodges a bludger from Rosier, Mcnair is coming towards him by the right hoop, but he’s dodged! Black SCORES! Ten points to Gryffindor!”_

Despite himself, Remus shook his head, smiling inwardly. Sirius may be a bit of a prick in some practice sessions, but when it came to it in matches, he was one hell of a chaser.

“ _Now it’s Slytherin in possession, Zabini flanked by Lestrange; they’re making their way up the pitch, OH but that’s a bludger by Swan! Lestrange is gone- AND IT’S ANOTHER BLUDGER BY SWAN, it hit’s Zabini, who’s dropped the Quaffle and Gryffindor are back in possession, the chasers are absolutely pegging it down that pitch, Black with the Quaffle, AND GRYFFINDOR SCORE AGAIN! TWENTY- NIL TO GRYFFINDOR!”_

An angry buzz was beginning to surface at the Slytherin end as their team circled waspishly around their end of the pitch.

_“Now it’s Gryffindor in possession again and that’s Prewett who passes to… err… Prewett, dodges Lestrange, passes back to his brother WHO SCORES, I THINK THAT WAS GIDEON-“_

_“_ It’s FABIAN you nitwit!” The victorious chaser yelled across the pitch.

“ _Sorry, FABIAN - but what’s this? - It’s Potter! Potter is heading fast towards the Ravenclaw stand, has he seen the snitch? But Black is gaining on him- Andromeda that is, first female Slytherin player in thirty seven years and WOW is she showing us why, that girl is QUITE the player, quite the looker too I might add, althou-“_

“TONKS WILL YOU STOP HARASSING MISS BLACK AND CONCENTRATE ON THE GAME!” McGonagall fumed from her place next to the commentator.

“ _Right, sorry professor! And it looks like that was just a feint by Potter, but now Slytherin are back in possession, And Parkinson is up the top, passes to Lestrange, SLYTHERIN SCORE, and it’s thirty points to Gryffindor, ten points to Slytherin.”_

An audible groan rose from the Gryffindors and their team circled somewhat tensely back to the centre of the pitch.

“ _Slytherin in possession once more as the game continues. It’s Zabini, Parkinson, Zabini, Lestrange just gets past Wood… and SLYTHERIN SCORE, Now are they going to catch up with the Lions’ roaring head start? Gryffindor back in possession, and it looks like Fabian heading for Slytherin’s left flank but Parkinson and Lestrange are closing in from the right and from above; they’re pressing him VERY close to the stands there- Black and Gideon trying to intercept but Zabini is blocking them. This is some harsh play from Slytherin- RUDOLPHUS LESTRANGE FIRES A BLUDGER AT FABIAN-“_

_A gasp rose from the Gryffindor stands “OH BRILLIANT SLOTH GRIP ROLL BY PREWETT, AHH BUT HE’S DROPPED THE QUAFFLE… SLYTHERIN BACK IN POSSESSION, THEY’RE TAKEN GRYFFINDOR BY SURPRISE… AND THEY’VE SCORED! GRYFFINDOR 30 – SLYTHERIN 30.”_

“I don’t like this” Marlene announced darkly to their small, huddled group. Dorcas nodded fervently

“Slytherin are playing dirty-“she shook her head “that’s always reason to be worried.”

Remus turned to look at Lily but her gaze seemed fixed on the game… he followed it to the two seekers circling like vultures above. He looked again, noticing, with a jolt of surprise, Lily’s concerned expression, and the small worry lines etched into her brow beneath several escaped, red locks of hair as her eyes followed James across the clouds. He knew that she had been marginally more civil with James since they’d both been made head boy and girl that year… she’d even stopped giving him her usual look of disdain when they interacted… but concern? He must be imagining things.

A sudden roar by the crowd around him snapped him out of his contemplation.

“ _And Gideon’s caught the Quaffle from Parkinson, He and Fabian and absolutely seamless team as they make their way down the pitch, you’ve got to wander whether they’re telepathic those two, and now they’re dodging Rosier and Lestrange, AND LOOK AT THE SPEED OF BLACK CIRCLING INFRONT OF THEM, GIDEON PASSES TO BLACK… WHO FEINTS LEFT AND SCORES IN THE CENTRAL HOOP! Now that is OUTSTANDING Quidditch by the Gryffindor team, you can’t get communication between chasers much better than that and by god THE MANOUVERING by Black-“_ Suddenly the celebrating form of Sirius dropped ten feet as a bludger came soaring towards him; clipping his forearm as he lurched to get a grip on his broom. _“What the-? That… that was a bludger fired by Rosier, completely out of play and UNECESSARY, FOUL! THAT WAS A CLEAR ATTEMPT AT SABOTAGE-“_

_“Mr Tonks!”_ McGonagall interrupted, although her voice too, seemed to be holding in a significant amount of anger at the attack on her house’s chaser.

“PROFESSOR-!” A shrill whistle blew from the Referee, Madame Hooch (an enthusiastic ex-student, fresh back from a term with the Holyhead harpies after an interesting accident involving herself, a bludger, two male beaters from the opposite team and a _very_ unfortunate stray pigmy-puff)

“ _And that seems to be a warning for Rosier, personally I think that’s at least a penalty- OOWWW!” McGonagall seemed to have given the commentator a rather sharp elbow in the ribs, or some similar action “Apologies Professor… And Slytherin are in possession, but that’s a SPECTACULAR BLUDGER BY SWAN, she is really doing well this game. New beater, Joseph Greyson, replacing Remus Lupin who resigned from the team earlier in the term,”_

Remus winced slightly at the harsh reminder of his resignation.  “- _is yet to show us what he is… or isn’t capable of but hopefully for Gryffindor, he’ll follow in his predecessors footsteps. Gryffindor with the Quaffle again, and we’re still yet to see any sign of the snitch but the Prewetts are flying down the pitch… and the Slytherin chasers are heading straight towards them, Fabian with the Quaffle has headed right, Gideon’s gone to block the chasers. But now BOTH the Slytherin chasers are moving, Rosier aims at Gideon, he hasn’t even got the Quaffle HE DODGES- ooohhh no that looks like a broken wrist.”_

The Gryffindor’s yelled with outrage as their chaser wobbled uncertainly.

_“Fabian still heading up the pitch though and Black seems to be coming in to flank him, but that’s a bludger from Lestrange…_

_GOOD GODRIC-BLACK HAS FLOWN INFRONT OF PREWETT_

_TAKEN A BLUDGER STRAIGHT TO THE CHEST_

_AND HE’S BEEN KNOCKED OFF HIS BROOM…_

_HE’S FALLING…”_

The commentator seemed momentarily stunned, or perhaps he’d just been knocked to the ground by the tartan blur of Professor McGonagall. The crowd cried out in horror, several people screamed as the chaser plunged to the ground.

“ _Black’s hit the ground…_

_He’s not moving.”_


	9. The Aftermath

It all seemed to happen in slow motion.

Remus saw as the chaser, a sickeningly familiar number seven printed in gold on his robes, as he shot in front of his fellow teammate just as the bludger streaked towards them.

 The object had slammed into his chest at a frightening speed, throwing the figure clean off his broom.

And then he was tumbling through empty space, scarlet robes swirling around him, dark hair caught in the wind and for a moment, he looked almost angelic…

Even as he was falling, Remus had begun to run. He couldn’t feel his legs and the world was just a dull roar in his ears. He mind had been reduced to nothing, a hollow useless space; that, for once, had been shocked into complete lockdown.

The body hit the ground with a sickening thud that echoed across the pitch.

And then Remus was shoving through the crowd, knocking away arms and shoulders until he was free… and he was sprinting across the pitch at full pelt; not caring what people would think, his eyes fixed on the broken pile of limbs that had crumpled into the dirt.

His coat and scarf were flying out behind him, whipping in the wind; he saw a pale angular face plastered in inky strands of hair and sticky with a dark layer of blood and dirt. In seconds he was kneeling next to Sirius. The friend he had scorned over the last few weeks out of his own pain, out of his own weakness. His whole body convulsed for a moment in a wordless sob. All the anger, the loss the guilt, swelling in his chest until he thought he would burst with the force of it…

An arm was shaking him; holding Sirius’s other wrist. Saying something to him.

“Remus. _Remus. He’s alive. Remus he needs to get to the hospital wing NOW.”_  Blearily he looked up, not quite seeing properly as Professor McGonagall’s pale, drawn face swam into view. “Remus we need to take him-“

“ _No!”_ He flinched, throwing an arm across his friend’s form. “No, I’ll take him… _I’ll take him_ ”

And then somehow he was lifting Sirius into his arms, cradling him… then he was running. Running across the pitch, immune to the hundreds of students watching in suspense. Running like no mere human could as he shifted Sirius in his arms. Only feeling the dead weight in his grasp, the red Quidditch robes rustling against his neck; stained darker by Sirius’s blood and the life in his arms, teetering on the edge of a knife…

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius woke to a knife-like pounding in his skull as blinding rays of sunlight sliced through the high windows of the hospital wing. His eyes were heavy with sleep and his entire mouth seemed coated in sandpaper as he licked his lips uselessly.

He couldn’t remember getting here and aside from the throbbing ache that seemed to encompass his entire body, he had no idea _why_ or _how_ he had got here.

He took a breath in… and gasped with agony.

His chest was an epicentre of pain _, got to have broken every rib in my body_ , he thought grimly, this time bracing himself as he took another shaky breath in.

Gingerly, he tilted his head to take in the room. It seemed quiet. Evening sunlight bathed the pale stone walls and floors, lending a pleasant, honey-ish glow to the otherwise bare and sterile room.

He turned further, noticing a riot of colourful sweets and ‘get well soon’ cards scattered across his bedside table. He smirked. _Nice to know whatever I did didn’t go unappreciated._

At the sight of the food that had been left for him, his stomach gave a loud rumble and the cramping of his diaphragm caused him to utter a low moan as the movement shifted his rib cage.

After a few moments he relaxed, collapsing back into his pillows with unfamiliar exhaustion, his breathing was ragged and sent uncomfortable twinges through his body even with such slight movement.

As quiet fell on the room once more, a rustle of clothing and faint snuffling noise to his left caught Sirius’s attention. He turned curiously to see a figure slumped in a rickety looking chair a few feet from his bed.

The tired looking boy was asleep, his chin resting heavily in his hand and a few strands of sandy brown hair fell across the dark shadows under his eyes. His brow was furrowed and every now and then he muttered in his sleep in a seemingly distressed manner.

Remus.

Something in Sirius’s chest constricted, completely apart from his injuries.

Remus looked tired, not just from lack of sleep… with a start Sirius realised that almost a month had passed, the last full moon had been a few days before _the incident._ So the next one had to be in the next day or two… with all that had happened, it had slipped his mind.

He’d _never_ forgotten before, not once since they’d found out all those years ago.

Shame constricted his throat sharply. _He’d vowed to himself that he’d never forget, just as Remus would never be able to._

The figure shifted again; murmuring in his sleep. Sirius’s expression softened.

Remus’s hand jerked suddenly.

“ _N-no…”_ his head tilted in distress. “ _N…no, no, no…”_ Sirius struggled onto his elbows, trying to reach his friend, to tell him it was alright. “ _Sirius!”_

The dark haired boy was shocked at the sound of his own name. He tried uselessly to reach across once more.

“Remus. _Remus...”_ He wriggled painfully under the neat, tucked-in sheets; dark blue eyes bright with concern. “Rem _?”_

The other boy seemed to stir at his name, his eyelids fluttered.

“ _Rem?”_

His chin slipped from its resting place on his hand and Remus jolted awake, the darkness beneath his eyes and scars on his face more prominent than ever against their pale and sickly backdrop.

He blinked several times heavily before his eyes focused on an exhausted looking and very awake Sirius.

“ _Sirius”_ his chair fell away with a clatter as he moved to his friend’s bedside. “You’re awake” he stammered, his eyes running over the battered but healing body.

“Rem” Sirius said softly, “I’m fine, Remus…” his tone became more pleading as he noticed the gleam of despair in his companion’s eyes. “ _It’s okay, I’m okay_ …”

“God I wasn’t… I wasn’t there for you, I couldn’t _protect_ you” A pair of wide, brown eyes turned desperately to Sirius “I couldn’t, I’m supposed to-“he moved next to the bed, shaking his head. “ _I was supposed to protect you…”_

Sirius looked in shock at the devastated figure crouched beside him, so unlike his usual, strengthened self.

“Remus. _Remus look at me!”_ He pleaded angrily _“_ I’m fine, I’m completely fine” his voice raised in pitch. “It’s not your job to get me out of every _stupid_ situation I get myself into” the last words were said almost loathingly; a few dark strands of black hair fell across Sirius’s face and he looked down in anger.

The other boy laughed: a hollow, bitter sound that sent a chill down Sirius’s spine.

“ _Fine?_ ” he spat mirthlessly “ _You almost_ _died.”_  Strong, bronzed hands knotted into the bed sheets “You almost died _in my arms”_ In the last few words his voice cracked as he stared at the knuckles twisted into the crisp, white material.

Sirius’s eyebrows flew up in shock.

“What? … _How?”_

After two heavy breathes the hands knotted into the bed loosened slightly.

“You were knocked off your broom… a bludger, from Lestrange… he’s been suspended from playing”

“And I’ve been here, what…?”

“It’s Wednesday. You were at St Mungo’s for two days; you’ve been here for three. So yeah-”

“I’ve been out for _five days?”_ he turned to Remus for confirmation, who nodded mutely eyes still fixated on his interlaced fingers.

“Remus…” Sirius pleaded earnestly, catching the other boy’s ragged sleeve before grimacing in pain.  “This is _not_ your fault. It’s Lestrange’s… by Circe, next time I see him-“His violent motion caused him to hiss uncomfortably and fall back into his pillows.

Remus gazed over the usually energetic boy collapsed and exhausted in his bed. The sharp, pale planes of his face held a sickly hue and were covered in a thin, shimmering layer of sweat. A pair of sapphire eyes, darker than any pair of blue eyes had a right to be, glimmered in the fading light. Shining brightly. _Too brightly,_ Remus thought wearily. Feverish and agitated, they darted across his own face with unnerving speed.

“I need to go” he said quietly; subconsciously shaking lank, honey hair from his eyes.

The dark haired boy looked up at him in confusion and to Remus, it felt like a slice of his heart had just cracked.

“It’s... the full moon” he stated unemotionally; not catching the injured boy’s eye.

He observed surreptitiously as a look of dread melted across Sirius’s features.

“But who’s going to-“

“Peter will come to stay with you.” Knowing full well that was not what the other boy had meant, he added “James is staying with me”

Sirius caught the other boy’s sleeve tugging it so that Remus had to turn and look at him.

“Rem, he won’t be able to cope” He searched the familiar face desperately “not on his own. You’ll get hurt”

“ _I’ll be fine.”_

Sirius grasped more tightly to the material in his hand.

“Remus, _please”_

_“_ There’s nothing I can do” he glanced at the boy clinging desperately to his sleeve with an unreadable expression.

With extreme effort, Sirius pulled Remus’s hand into his own. His pale fingers wrapped around Remus’s wrist; his thumb grazing the other boy’s knuckles. The warmth was familiar, comforting. Sirius tightened his hold.

It was as if he had crossed some line. Some invisible barrier, which had always wavered around their friendship; which Remus had always hoped, desperately to be crossed. One day.

_But Sirius didn’t mean it like that_. The other hand gripped entreatingly onto his own.

_Couldn’t mean it like that._

Remus’s jaw clenched as he resisted ripping his hand from the cruelly familiar touch.

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut before glancing pleadingly, agonizingly up into Remus’s carefully blank expression.

“I promised I’d protect _you”_

Remus took a sharp breath in, jerking his hand away from Sirius’s grasp.

_No._

He looked into those feverish sapphire eyes once more before he turned and strode quietly out of the door, leaving silence in his wake.

_As I promised you. And look where that got us._

 

* * *

 

 

James stood anxiously on the edge of the forbidden forest in the fading evening light. He pushed his glasses up nervously.

It was strange, being here on his own.

Usually it would be him, Sirius and Peter. The former would lounge carelessly against the tree on his left, clad in his worn leather jacket and skinny jeans; usually assessing idly what sort of mood their werewolf friend was in. How he might be that evening.

_Padfoot could always tell._ James thought grimly. When the wolf would want to hunt, when he’d be relatively calm, when he’d be angry…

The dark haired boy was practically his brother. They messed about, thought up and executed pranks together and he would never doubt Sirius for a moment. But Sirius and Remus’s friendship was different. It was as if they could read each other in a glance; sometimes it made them work in harmony, and other times they’d clash.

James shook his head, the last few weeks had been strange. His two friend’s had argued before, but never like _this._ James naturally, had stuck with Sirius but it hadn’t been the same.

 There was no laughter, no teasing… Sirius had fallen into what they jokingly called, one of his ‘Black moods’ which were both as broodingly sullen and as hereditary in his family as the name suggested.

And without him here to help with Moony… James worried his bottom lip with his teeth. Together Prongs and Padfoot could keep the wolf in check, but Padfoot was half of that equation, and Prongs was a prey animal. The stag could throw him off for a while with his antlers and hooves, but only to defend his own well-being… and not for long.

As for Peter, he may not be useful when it came to keeping an adolescent werewolf at bay, but he could tell what or who was nearby… and he, at least, was company.

 

The great oak doors of the castle opened momentarily; throwing a slash of bright, torchlight across the sloping lawn. Two figures, the school nurse, and a lean, scruffy-looking boy, stepped out into the gloom and started towards the whomping willow; the door creaking closed behind them.

Mussing his hair subconsciously, James bounced off the tree he’d been leaning against and started to wind his way through the edge of the tree line in the same direction as the two figures, skulking suspiciously in the shadows.

The tree’s whip like branches, which had been lashing ominously through the air, suddenly calmed and the pair disappeared into the tunnel.

Dusk had fallen and James waited in silence, bouncing on his toes nervously. The minutes crawled by, and the light was fading fast. With a curse of impatience he reached into his jacket pocket and shook out his Dad’s old invisibility cloak with a flourish.

Making sure his toes were covered, he began to stride out across the grounds.

Dew soaked his canvas shoes, and he heard one of Hagrid’s dogs barking in the distance.

Finally Madame Pomfrey emerged from the tunnel. The young nurse shook soil from her clothes and then marched purposefully back towards the school. She was long used to the werewolf’s routine.

With a sigh of relief, James crawled into the passage. Mud quickly caked his knees; working its way mercilessly under his fingernails.

He stood up finally, panting and shaking several insects from his hair, along with an impressive amount of soil, before staggering towards the trap door.

He knocked four times in quick succession; putting more emphasis on the last three raps.

“Moony?” He called tentatively.

“Prongs” the other boy’s voice was slightly muffled through the door.

James relaxed marginally. The change hadn’t started yet.

“So what are we doing tonight on our hot date together?” James joked weakly. He heard the boy on the other side of the door give a small “Huh!” of dry amusement.

“I think…” Remus replied slowly, as if weighing each word “I might have to stay in here tonight” there was a short pause. “Alone”

James’s head raised in shock

“Moony-“

“James we both know you can’t handle m-…the wolf, on your own. I’ll just be putting you in danger.”

James clenched his teeth in exasperation. _Of course. The ever self-sacrificing, Remus John Lupin._

“Moons don’t be stupid, you’ll tear yourself to pieces” he argued thinking back to the times before they’d become Animagi… when all Remus had to attack was himself in this small, lonely little house.

 But they still hadn’t been the worst.

The last time he’d changed alone, after he’d had the argument with his parents, he’d been barely alive, and that was when he’d been loose in the forest… never mind being trapped in the shack.

James remembered the look in Remus’s eyes on the day of _that_ Quidditch practice. When everything had gone wrong. The agitation, the anger, _the yellow eyes._ He remembered how it had reminded him of the last time Remus had lost it. And this was the first full moon since then…

This couldn’t be good.

“No Remus-“

“It’s better than tearing you to pieces” he countered.

“No way, I’m coming in there” James started towards the entrance with his jaw set in grim determination. There was silence, then-

“I’ve barred the door”

“Remus, _for merlin’s sake!”_

“James” the other boy started, in an infuriatingly calm voice. “I .Will. Be. Fine.” He sighed. “If it helps your peace of mind, you can stay here. Keep guard as Prongs, just in case I escape to chase a squirrel again” Remus’s pained attempt at lightening the mood fell flat in the grim atmosphere.

“Okay…” the messy haired boy exhaled eventually. “I’ll stay”

“Good.” Remus replied brusquely; as if they’d just made a business deal and not agreed on the best way to contain a rampaging werewolf. “James…” his voice softened slightly. “I _will_ be fine. I promi- aaggghhhhh!”

The boy locked in the house yelled painfully and James winced on the other side of the door, quickly transforming into his Animagus form.  

The sickening crunches of bone and sinew tearing and breaking and remoulding… echoed down the tunnel. Remus’s yell turned into a choked, agonizing scream.

The stag backed away a few paces nervously, its animal instincts battling with the human consciousness resting on its mind. Its ears flickered in apprehension.

And then came the _howl._


	10. The Wolf, the Stag and the Boy

Sirius jolted with a start as a faint, muffled howl echoed through the window that he’d managed to sneak open. Even this far away from Hogsmeade, on a still night you could hear the wolf… if you knew what you were listening for. 

He didn’t know if he was imagining it, but beneath the howl there seemed to be a scream of agony that was sickeningly familiar…

He remembered back to the years before they had become Animagi and Remus had undergone his transformations alone. They would visit him every month in the hospital wing after the full moon; pale and yawning after a night more of trying to become Animagi. Back then he had always seemed so fragile; like a gust of wind could topple him over. But after the transformations he was a mere ghost of a boy; pale even with his tanned skin, against the crisp white linen of his hospital bed. The only colour on him would be the dark rust of healing gashes and a sickly patchwork of bruises ranging from pale, fading yellow to vicious bluish-blacks. Even his usually sandy hair would seem washed out and somehow muted on these days.

But after the three other Marauders had learnt to become Animagi it had been better. The wolf was no longer cooped up and Remus’s mind was more his own when he was with his animal friends on the full moon. It helped as well, that the werewolf boy had finally filled out in the last couple of years. He supposed realistically, the change must have been quite gradual. But to him it seemed to happen overnight. He remembered with strange clarity (or perhaps not quite so strange if he admitted the flutter his stomach at the thought of the memory) the occasion when Remus had gone from a wisp of a boy made of glass into… well, whatever he was now.

 

**_It had been an unusually bright morning for November. Cold crisp sunlight slanted through the curtain; which cast an otherwise muted red glow across the tower dormitory. Tentatively cracking open an eyelid, Sirius noted that the other three beds in the room had already been vacated… although, he tilted his head minutely, yes, he could hear the shower running from behind the closed bathroom door. James probably. It was a Saturday though, he could sleep in, he thought as he dozed back into unconsciousness._**

**_He woke again after ten minutes or so. Deciding, somewhat begrudgingly, that he might as well try and get one of his numerous essays done before Quidditch practice, bleary eyed and gritting his teeth with apprehension, Sirius threw back his covers with a muffled shout of dissent at the biting cold of the dormitory air. Wrapping his arms around his regrettably bare chest he hobbled towards the bathroom door and gripped the handle._ **

**_As it opened a wave of humid steam enveloped him. The sudden, unexpected warmth threw him slightly as he hovered, one foot through the open doorway; sleep still shrouding his mind in a blissfully oblivious cocoon. However as the steam began to dissipate through the now open entrance a figure became visible a few paces ahead of him…_ **

**_Bronze, occasionally freckled skin; criss-crossed with stark white scars shimmered with a slick sheen of water from the shower.  He had broader shoulders than Sirius remembered and sinewy muscle on his arms, but the back facing him was all hard muscle like a swimmer’s; petering down to a slim waist and then further to the surprisingly pronounced curve of a buttock… Sirius felt his cheeks burning as all his blood rushed south. The figure turned, usually sandy, light brown hair a darker golden brown from the shower, curling at the edges and plastered to his cheekbones. Sirius was hypnotised with both fascination and horror at his own intrusion. His eyes tracked a droplet of water down the dip between Remus’s collar bones; irises darkening slightly before they flew painfully up to a pair of wide amber eyes._ **

**_“Oh Fuck, Rem, I-I’m sorry… didn’t realise…” He backed away with lightning speed from an obviously mortified Remus. Dropping quickly back into his bed, he yanked the scarlet drapes forcefully back in place._ **

**_Fuck._ **

**_He sat in horrified silence. His mind wouldn’t stop flashing images of what he’d just seen and his body made him painfully aware what it had thought on the matter._ **

**_But when had Remus got so… hot? No, hot wasn’t the right word… gorgeous._ **

**_Sirius stayed frozen as he heard the creak of the bathroom door as it widened and then… closed again. Barely audible, padding footsteps pattered somewhere to his left. Remus’s bed. As much as he wanted to sprint from the room and hide somewhere deep DEEP in the maze of the castle; never to be found again in his pit of mortification, Sirius’s joints remained stubbornly locked in place as the grate of draws opening and the rustle of clothing sounded a few feet away._ **

**_The image of a slender torso, water droplets still clinging to it, snuck unwittingly back into his mind as Sirius sat in his shame-ridden state. A wardrobe closed somewhere with a decisive snap, before a pair of footsteps trailed across the dormitory and finally out of the room._ **

**_A few seconds of absolute silence passed._ **

**_Then suddenly his mind was flooded with a replay of the scene that had just occurred. Soft dark hair still damp and curling against the nape of a neck. Surprisingly strong shoulders, peppered with freckles, leading down to a muscular back, still wet from the shower as tendons and shoulder blades shifted slightly as he stretched…_ **

**_With a curse the dark haired boy’s hand slid down to grip the almost painful hardness in his boxers. Guilt still swam in his mind but the pressure of his palm brought a wave of lust to overpower it as the memory of two beautifully sculpted buttocks started his pace…_ **

 

The boy in the hospital bed shook himself from his reverie and grunted slightly in annoyance at the tented sheets before him, the hardness in his pants echoing the memory that had surfaced.  _Fuck._ He needed to get rid of this.

_Dead kittens, fuck! Kreacher’s loincloth, Bellatrix’s smug little face, cancelling Quidditch… cancelling Quidditch finals, dammit! Cancelling Quidditch for a GOBSTONES championship, Snivellus in budgie smugglers… Ew nasty._ Sirius shuddered. _Fuck_. It still wasn’t working.

He looked around furtively at the empty ward. The privacy curtains were around his bed, and if Peter hadn’t come to watch over him by now he would most likely have fallen asleep in the kitchens again…

With a ghostly niggle of guilt still pestering him slightly, Sirius let the memories of Remus re-surface with renewed vigour.

_Fuck it._

 

* * *

 

 

 The night seemed as if it would never end.

After the first few hours of jumping nervously at every crash and howl, Prongs had curled into a huddled heap against the dank tunnel wall. Despite his best efforts, his Animagi body continued to tremble at the sounds of the creature in the room next to him tearing itself apart; whilst his mind circled torturously over the thought of his friend, trapped deep within the monster; which was ripping him to shreds.

Furniture splintered against walls and the floor shook, but gradually the sound of the room being destroyed was replaced by the far more painful rip of sinew and flesh and bone as the wolf turned on itself in the early hours of the morning.

Down in the tunnel, no light made its way to the anxiously waiting James to herald the dawn, instead a sudden change woke him from his hazy stupor.

A hoarse howl, no louder than any of the ones before it, but with a tone to it that was so agonised… so human, that the stag’s ears flickered nervously and his head tilted to attention.

The familiar sickening crunches and painful yelps as the wolf transformed echoed in the small, cold space. Prongs hopped nervously to his feet, nostrils flaring with fear. A sudden, drawn out rasping gasp sounded, something heavy thudded mutely to the floor; there was a slight whimper and then… silence.

The stag stepped forward tentatively. _He had to know... if, if Remus…_ Prongs moved right before the entrance of the shack, straining to hear _but YES! A heartbeat. Breathing!_ The stag snorted in relief and then began to back off. There was no more he could do now. Madame Pomfrey would arrive any minute and he needed to be back in the castle.

_Heck Sirius would be going crazy with worry._

He’d always been protective of them all. It came with his upbringing, James supposed. Harsh, cold parents who had done Merlin knows what to their sons. Sirius had all but brought up his little brother in the shadows of _The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black._ It had been Sirius and Regulus against the world, that is, until Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor.

With his all-but estrangement from his family, gradually the cool, hardened boy had transferred his fierce, protective streak to his gaggle of friends. He treated James like a twin and Peter like a mildly irritating younger brother; both of whom were defended without question by their fellow Marauder.

But Remus… when Remus was threatened Sirius could only be described as murderous. No one truly realised just how intimidating Sirius Black could be until he was drawn up to his full 6ft 2ins of height, shoulders pulled back impossibly wide and not a wand in sight. Just a feral, freezing rage in his eyes and a fist raised to knock you out cold in a single punch.

James chuckled inwardly. His friend was, in fact, the best duellist he knew; man James was scared shitless of him sometimes. But as his friend, the oh-so-eloquent Black heir, so aptly put it: _sometimes nothing beats the feeling of your knuckles splitting against some dickhead’s stupid bitchy little face._

_Ah Sirius. So demure, so cultured!_

James snapped himself from his inner musings and carefully exited the tunnel before he began to trot swiftly towards the outskirts of the Dark forest.

_A quick shower, fresh clothes and grab some food from the great hall – Oh and see Lily! Then off to the hospital wing to visit these two morons._

James winced inwardly at his own words as he remembered the sound of Remus’s cries as he’d transformed earlier that morning. Rasping and broken and so faint…

But it would be fine, it had to be fine. He had been alive and breathing and Madame Pomfrey would be there soon. She’s fix Remus up.

The stag quickened its pace in agitation. Both of them would recover and hopefully get over this stupid bloody argument which literally made _no comprehensible sense!_

_God those utter, utter bloody pillocks!_

And then everything could go back to normal and he could tell his friends about Lily and they’d all finally, _finally_ be able to enjoy themselves again.

Then everything would be how it should. Perfect.


	11. Mending the Wounds

Just before dawn, Sirius had fell into a dreamless stupor as he waited anxiously in the hushed hospital wing. Propped up on his overstuffed pillows at a rather awkward angle, his shoulders were slowly beginning to stiffen, in fact, his whole body seemed tensed in anticipation; even in unconsciousness.

Pale gold sunlight and echoing voices woke him.

A worried grey murmur grew louder as the noise proceeded along the corridor beyond, until the heavy _clack_ of the door being unlocked announced their presence. The oak panels swung inwards with a low groan and Sirius hastily dropped his head back against his pillows; forcing his eyes to close; the tense lines of his face to smoothing in feigned sleep, straining to listen to the low voices.

“- _Already unconscious when I got there-”_

_“-Hasn’t been this bad since-“_

_“-a longer recovery… we’ll need more potions-”_

_“-poor child…”_

Something implausibly heavy seemed to sink into Sirius’s stomach, and yet simultaneously his throat constricted until it felt as if he was trying to swallow a large rock.

His anxiety seemed to manifest itself as almost physical pain as he waited, hands wound tightly in his bed sheets; nails biting into the flesh of his palms as Madame Pomfrey’s shoes pattered against the flagstone floor somewhere to his right. 

In the dim red blindness of closed eyelids, time seemed to drag at an impossible crawl as the matron continued to bustle around her patient until finally, finally, her footsteps receded back into her own private quarters at the opposite end of the hospital wing.

Sirius’s eyelids flew open and quickly pinpointed the prone figure obscured behind the privacy screen several beds down. With a bitten back groan at his still sore ribs, Sirius began to shift his arms; weight forced onto his elbows. Slowly, painfully slowly, he began to lift his torso into a sitting position. The process was sluggish. Excruciating. And Sirius had already began to sweat with the effort.

He wasn’t even upright.

Taking a breath in, he pivoted gently where he sat until his legs swung over the edge of the mattress.

He shimmied down, cursing the rather breezy hospital gown and gingerly put pressure on his feet.

_Success!_

Sirius grasped the edge of his bed support, scrutinizing the distance between himself and his goal.

_Ten feet?_

_Piece of cake._

With a smirk and an impatient flick of the hair that had deigned to fall in his eyes, Sirius took a steadying breath, crossed his fingers for luck and hobbled out into the open space of the hospital wing.

Being extremely careful with each step, he bit the insides of his cheeks in single minded purpose; his eyes set stoically on his goal.

 

The boy behind the curtain had taken up residence in every conceivable part of his consciousness. The biting temperature of the room’s flagged floor and aching pain still throbbing through his body paled to insignificance and the brooding anger that had been roiling in his stomach over the last few weeks suddenly seemed absurdly petty.

_What had even began their argument? And how on earth had the situation suddenly spiralled so swiftly out of control? God he’d been stupid. And stubborn. So unbelievably stubborn._

Shaking his head slightly in self-disgust, Sirius hastened his almost comically uneven pace and raised a hand to the pale green screen around his friend’s bed. His gut twisted in apprehension and he found himself chanting self-reassurance in his head. _It happens every month, he’ll be fine, it happens every month, he’ll be fine, every month, absolutely fine, he’s going to be fine, he’s going to be-_

_Oh sweet Merlin…_

His eyes had snapped to the prone figure on the bed. Sheets tucked in precisely. Crisp linen drawing colour out from the already pallid arms laying loosely over the covers. His gaze trailed up the already healing blotches of bruises that dappled his limbs; angry purple and red already fading to powder blue and a sickly yellow.

Swallowing uselessly, he let his eyes rove further. Back to what had first screamed out as him as so painful, so unexpected. Because the wolf had turned on itself before. On Remus before. But never like this. _Never like this…_

Three jagged lines. Still red raw and angry despite Madame Pomfrey’s healing, were scored across Remus’s face.

The longest caught the very front of his left brow, cutting again across the bridge of his nose; before slicing diagonally over his right cheek and onto his jaw. There was another just above it, shallower and just grazing over his right cheek below his eye and the last, beginning under his right nostril, and following parallel to the others as it just passed the corner of his mouth; before also meeting his jaw and leaving the barest score mark on his neck.

The shock of seeing Remus’s marred and painfully unresponsive form felt like a bucket of cold water over the head.

_How badly would he take it?_

Lupin had always been tough. He had to be. Turned by a werewolf as a toddler, he’d had to grow up much quicker than any child should have to. He always imagined Remus to have been a solemn child, like he had seemed in the beginnings of their first year. It would probably have been comical, if not for the circumstance...

The Black household hadn’t exactly been a picnic to grow up in either. _The ancient and most noble house of Black_ were aristocrats in every sense that mattered to a load of muggle-hating, inbred elitists. Rich, pureblood and famously associated with the dark arts; his family prided themselves on tradition and superiority. His mother had been cold, strict and had unashamedly favoured her youngest son; whilst Orion, _Father,_ barely removed himself from his work. His apathy to his sons relented only at Sunday dinner, where each child would dutifully repeat something they had learnt that week and every so often, be handed a new ominous looking book or questionable artefact related to their mandatory education in the dark arts.

But Sirius had always been taught of his superiority, his high status; how the wizarding world was all but his. Remus on the other hand had grown up knowing of the impact his condition would have on his life. Dreading the reactions of a society which would fear him. Hate him.

Sirius knew how Moony’s affliction tormented him. He’d seen how the boy built and built on his defences against a world which would deny him if they discovered what he was. And yet simultaneously how his one true fear, the one thing he despised, was himself.

Sirius sank down in the chair next to his friend’s bed.

_Dammit Moony…_

He wanted to say, with all his heart, that he didn’t understand it.

But of everyone they knew, who knew self-loathing better than Sirius Black?

Beneath the charm and apparent arrogance was a boy who had been, at best ignored, and at worst despised and, well… his mother hadn’t held back in any way in showing her resentment… Yet no matter how glad he was that he did not fit in with his family, there was still a small, fragile part of him which resented being such a disappointment. Such a _failure._

No one was perfect, but Sirius would be damned if he met anyone who came closer than Moony. The boy was frightening smart and ridiculously dedicated to his work. He was unflinchingly loyal and by far the bravest person Sirius knew.

Who truer a Gryffindor than one who fought the literal monster inside himself every full moon?

 And yet despite the fact that it had happened when he was so small, despite the fact that it had been a situation completely out of his control, the damn idiot blamed himself!

 Fenrir Greyback was the one who was responsible, solely responsible, for what had happened to Remus.

_And if I ever meet that soulless fucker… by Circe-_

An unintelligible muttering from Remus caught Sirius off guard. His gaze snapped warily back to his friend but he was still unconscious, just dreaming.

The scars lingered in his field of vision.

They already seemed less angry. Wounds sealing. New tender pink skin slowly replacing the once unblemished face.

_Werewolf healing_ Sirius marvelled to himself. If it wasn’t for Remus’s super-fast recoveries and weird lycanthrope healing properties, he’d be in the hospital wing more time than he was out of it. As it was, a few days and the werewolf was usually more or less back to full health; even now he’d be out in a couple of days…

Now he thought about it, it was a wonder that Remus _hadn’t_ managed to wound his face before now. Bar a few tree scratches and a couple of black eyes, his friend had miraculously managed to steer clear of too many visible lasting injuries. But this… this would be present every time he had to look at himself. A mark that would raise question and suspicion every time someone else looked at _him._

If anything, to Sirius they were a mark of strength.

But whether Moony would ever, could ever, see it that way, well…

Remus. The stubborn, self-deprecating creature that he was, would believe in Crumple-horned Snorkacks before he took another’s word on his own good character.

_The stubborn git._

Sirius found his eyes grazing once more across the healing crimson lines, shifting across to the faint flecks of a few stray freckles on pale skin, the delicate gold of eyelashes kissing against shadowed eye-sockets and wandering down to slightly parted, chapped lips which let out gentle puffs of air as the sheet covered chest rose and fell in sleep.

The ward was empty, Remus was oblivious to his friend and so for once, Sirius could let his usual mask slip; seeming to slump slightly with relief.

The dark blue eyes softened as they continued to observe; a flicker of concern in the minute furrow of an eyebrow and an inherent warmth swimming in his irises which was reserved only for the young werewolf.

Gently, he reached out and laced his fingers with Remus’s broader, stronger hand. Sirius’s own pale slender fingers contrasted with the werewolf’s bronzed skin, the varying tones more noticeable is the warm glow of morning sunlight.

His thumb grazed across the inside of Remus’s wrist, briefly pausing on the reassuringly steady thrum of a pulse before stroking over the other’s own thumb; his other hand unconsciously moving to smooth the sheets over his… _friend?_

Was that what Remus was to him?

_No._

His brow furrowed, struggling to define what exactly the boy on the bed was to him. He knew, perhaps, what he would like him to be to him, but… Remus was too _good._

Too smart and fierce and gorgeous and so much _better_ , so much better in every way than Sirius Black.

Now he considered it, the two of them had been floating in this abyss of _something_ for so long. Not merely friends but not quite… _more._  Bound with softened smiles, crinkled eyes and rumbling laughs. Tantalised by something so close yet still unformed as they danced around one another, neither ever willing to make the first move; or even realising that it needed to be made.

No, Remus was not something to him. He was everything.

The dark haired figure regarded his bedridden comrade through marveling eyes and dark lashes. He tenderly readjusted his grip on the other’s hand.

“… _Sirius?”_

He quickly raised his head to see hazy caramel eyes blearily attempting to focus on his face.

“Shh, yeah it’s me Rem” he soothed, squeezing the other’s palm and bringing the other hand to gently wind his fingers in the honeyed curls. “Go back to sleep”.

It seemed to take the werewolf’s mind several moments to process this information but the languid movement of Sirius’s hand combing through his hair had the desired effect and Remus was soon falling back into peaceful slumber; Sirius Black watching dutifully over him as the sun slowly rose in the sky.


	12. Bed Rest

Remus woke groggily to comforting darkness and the deafening hush of the empty hospital wing.

He blinked, adjusting to the faint glow of moonlight tumbling from the windows; as he peered at his surroundings, shapes of furniture slowly emerged from the gloom. Remus squinted blearily as he tried to let his vision adjust and went to rub his sleep filled eyes, but was stopped by a warm pressure weighing down his right arm.

A deeper shade of darkness to the rest of the room was slumped against his side. Something soft was ticking his upper arm just below his sleeve and cool long fingers were wound between his own.

A warm flutter curled in his stomach.

_He knew those hands._

Slender, bony hands which slotted snugly against his own broader, roughened palms. He could almost visualise the shiny black hair strewn across his shoulder and the strong angular features of the face whose nose was pressed against his elbow.

The physical presence of the other boy at his side seemed to sooth the frayed nerves and jittering restlessness that had plagued him over the last month. Sirius had been the cause of Moony’s distress and yet, now, he seemed to be the cure.

He went to brush some of the ticklish hair from his arm when Sirius’ grip tensed and the other boy shuddered violently; face pressing harder against the crook of Remus’ elbow. Concern flitted across Moony’s face.

He reached the back of his hand across to gently brush Sirius’ arm.

_Cold._

The room was still too dark to see anything more than vague outlines, but Remus could feel the prickle of goose bumps and the clammy chill of his friend’s skin.

_You idiot Padfoot_. He scolded silently.

It may have been almost a week since Sirius’ fall, and Madame Pomfrey had outdone herself in his healing… but Sirius was still recovering.

Before Remus had left, he and the other Marauders had only been allowed to visit as long as Sirius adhered to his strict bed rest; where, Madame Pomfrey had reminded them, there was to be _absolutely NO excitement or funny business._ Remus was positive that Padfoot’s little adventure across the hospital wing would have been difficult, painful and _definitely_ not approved of by the severe matron.

_Nevertheless…_

Under the ripple of worry and disapproval, a contented, humming warmth curled in Remus’ chest at the slow puff of breath against his arm and the solid weight pressed to his side.

Sirius shuddered again.

“ _Right”_ Remus muttered to himself, “enough of that.”

He shifted his unclaimed arm over again and patted it uncertainly in the air for a few moments before he felt soft cotton and cold skin against his palm.  He shook gently.

“Sirius… _Sirius”_

_“mmmfffff…..”_ the lump groaned and increased its grip painfully on his arm.

“ _Sirius!”_

“Trynasleep…“ A shudder wracked the other boy’s body. “t-tsleep Moony…”

Remus couldn’t help his lips twitching and a slight crinkle at his eye at Sirius’ protests.

“No, Sirius. You’re cold, you need to move.”

The head by his shoulder shifted and Remus caught the glint of dark blue eyes, heavily lidded with sleep, glaring balefully up at him.

“M’not leaving”

“I didn’t say leave” the other replied dryly; a brow lifting slightly in amusement. Forehead furrowing, Sirius tilted his head in a look that demanded an explanation.

Remus _tsked_ fondly and gingerly shifted to the side; patting the space between them.

“In. Now.”

The sharp, amber gaze held no room for argument and Sirius reluctantly uncurled himself from Remus’ warmth. An involuntary shudder on his part brought another noise of disapproval from the werewolf; now shuffled up to a point where he was almost in danger of tipping off the narrow hospital bed.

Dragging his fingertips across the layers of covers and blankets, Remus peeled them back and felt Sirius’ weight sink onto the other side of the bed.

Shifting awkwardly, Remus rolled onto his side so that he was facing Sirius, now rather closer in proximity, through the darkness. Sirius was still shuffling clumsily, pulling the covers over himself before settling to face Remus; squinting to locate his friend’s eyes in the dark.

“Rem?”

“Yeah?”

“Th-thanks”

Remus frowned at the still present shivering of his bedfellow. Fumbling slightly, he reached out and grasped a limb in the darkness.

“Oww Moony!”

“Shhh, your still cold Padfoot.”

“I’m fi-“

“No you’re not” Remus huffed. “Here”

Oh so carefully; hyper aware of both of their rather broken states, Remus turned again, sheets rustling loudly in the echoing room; until he was facing out into the gloom once more.

“What are you-?”

“Here” Remus murmured, gently reaching the other boy’s arm and pulling in around them both.  He shifted a bit, closer, but still leaving a gap. _Always leaving a gap._

He could feel Sirius’ gaze on him for a moment. Another arm came to rest in the space between his head and shoulders and the pillow. Sirius swallowed dryly.

“Warmer?”

“Hmmm” Breath tickled the back of Moony’s neck with the other’s exhaled reply of contentment.

“…Rem?”

“Yes Sirius?”

“I…”

Remus felt the minute change in the arms wrapped around him. Tense, wary.

“Hmm?”

“M’sorry”

Remus huffed. A sort of resigned chuckle somewhere between amusement and melancholy. He brought his warmer hand to wind between Sirius’ pale, cold fingers and gave the faintest squeeze.

“So am I”

He felt the tension seep from Sirius’ form as the taught muscles relaxed and the other boy shuffled slightly.

“C’mere Rem, you’ll fall off the bed” Sirius chided.

With the prompting of Sirius’ persuasive tugs, Remus moved away from where he had, admittedly, been balanced rather precariously on the edge of the bed.

The sudden immediate presence of Sirius; chest pressed to his back, arms tightening around his waist, was a more than welcome counterpoint to the continuing ache of his healing bruises.

He felt as the sharp angles of a face nudged against the back of his neck and a warm exhale tickled his hair.

Everything seemed to be in the sharpest of clarity and yet still strangely blurred with the surreal. He had promised himself that he would forget it, he should discard this impossibility, and yet…

Thoughts swam in his head, then slowed; as gentle fingers carded through honeyed hair, and Remus drifted off into warm, comforting sleep.

 

* * *

 

When he woke again, Sirius found a solid body of warmth pressed snugly against him, and the pale weak tea of dawn light blanketing the hospital wing in a muted haze. A deeply satisfied hum reverberated in his throat; making his whole upper body rumble with his contentment.

Remus fidgeted slightly in his sleep, curling back into the heat of Sirius’ body behind him.  The other boy’s shoulders pressed into Sirius’ own, but more noticeably, the backside that Sirius had so come to admire on that day in the dormitory bathroom long ago, was suddenly arching deliciously against his own hips.

This was _very_ foreign territory with Remus. In fact with almost any other boy. _I mean, there was that one time with Tristram Finnigan…_ But both boys had been drunk and in questionable control of their actions, whereas this, _this, with Moony._ It was the same and yet so, so different because it was him and it was Moony and there was so much more at stake. So much more he could screw up; _Dangerous waters_ as Remus would say.

But Sirius was still addled with sleep and _so tired_ of hesitance and denial.

So to hell with it.

Remus’ hips shifted again and Sirius stifled a groan as he was ground into in _just_ the right place.

His chin hooked over Moony’s shoulder; dark long hair tickling the other’s neck as he buried his face against the tanned skin and the brush of dark sandy locks. 

Gently, he flexed his slightly dead arm that had been resting under Remus’ head and used the other, which was wrapped around his companion, to draw the other’s body tightly against him. He revelled in the unbelievable warmth that Remus seemed to produce and the amazing feeling of the hard muscular back and contrasting curve of buttock plastered against his own body.

Remus mumbled slightly in his sleep and Sirius pressed his face into the crook of his neck with a contented sigh; his nose was being tickled by the curls of golden hair and he found himself pressing his mouth to a warm patch of skin in a dry, open kiss. He heard his friend murmur something unintelligible again. _Why was everything Remus did so damn endearing?_

Sirius tightened his hold around Remus’ body; his hand curling in between the other boy’s waist and the mattress and Remus stirred drowsily.

“Sirius?” Moony murmured, caramel eyes still lidded as he revelled in the solid muscular frame curled against his back.

“Mhhmm” breath tickled Remus’ neck.

Moony sunk back into his friend’s body with a contented sigh.

“‘Missed you”

Sirius felt a twinge of guilt in his stomach and squeezed his arms instinctively around Remus; his lips dragged against the exposed nape of his neck.

_It’s not like he’ll remember, right?_

“Missed you too Moons”

Remus exhaled softly and then gently extracted his friend’s hand from under his torso and wound their fingers together; scarred bronze against smooth alabaster. “Missed you too”.


	13. Silent Reconcilement

Madame Pomfrey glanced up at the clock set on the stone wall of her office by the window. She sighed.

As much as she wished she could keep her patients in the hospital wing until there wasn’t so much as a bruise to be seen on their bodies, she knew that these two particular students would be planning their own nefarious and hair-brained scheme to escape her clutches if she attempted to keep them here for much longer.

Pulling a shawl about her shoulders to stave off the chilly morning air, Poppy rose to her feet; briefly glancing at her uniformed figure and her round face -just starting to show the first signs of age- reflected in the window, before letting herself silently into the main wing.

She approached Black’s bed first; running over the list of injuries in her mind. All he had left were some bruises and a left over stiffness which would remain in his body for a few days as an after effect of bone-mending; Remus on the other hand would need another check-up and dose of pain relieving potion before he could leave. Luckily he was well used to it by now, so the process would be brief and then the boys could get on their way.

So first, Sirius.

_…Sirius?_

Poppy glanced over the clearly vacated hospital bed.

_Oh Merlin…_

_How long had he been loose? If she could work out the exact time… that might make it possible to judge the extent of collateral damage caused by a restless Sirius Black let loose in the early hours…_

She swept quickly past the remaining empty beds but stuttered to another halt as she discovered her presumed-missing patient rather more swiftly than expected.

_Huh_

Her missing patient was, in fact, next to Remus in his narrow hospital bed.

Well ‘ _next to’_ was an understatment. The usually cool and detached troublemaker was latched onto Remus’ side like a giant, gangly limpet.

He was curled protectively around the other boy; one arm slung around his waist and face pressed to the nape of his neck. Poppy noted absently that the particular embrace was what her patients would refer to as ‘spooning’, if they had at that point been conscious enough to inform her themselves.

 A slight smile curled at her lips at Remus’ soft, peaceful expression and Sirius’ own slack jawed version of contentment. She would say she was surprised, but the two had always seemed to balance each other out; so why not like this?

Shaking her head; eyes still twinkling, the matron quietly retreated back to her office.

It wasn’t like extra rest would do them harm, and a hot cup of tea suddenly seemed like a wonderful way to start her morning.

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius practically skipped out of the hospital wing doors.

Smiling to himself, Remus tugged at the robe slipping on his shoulder as Sirius pranced into the open corridor ahead.

Seeming to suddenly realise that his companion had fallen behind, he stuttered to a halt and spun haphazardly to face Remus; his movements notably clumsier than his usual eerie grace. The whole ensemble was concluded with a lopsided grin flashed ruefully towards Remus.

“Glad to be free are we?”

The other rolled his eyes, his usual witty retort strangely absent, before rubbing his hand almost bashfully along the back of his neck.

Moony decided he must have imagined the faint flush that had crept delicately across his friend’s high cheekbones.

“C’mon Rem,” Sirius not so smoothly diverted. “I haven’t seen Prongs in _Ages!_ ”

“He visited you two days ago”

“Exactly!”

Remus had to stifle another laugh as Sirius made to dash towards the nearby staircase.

“They won’t be in the tower Pads, it’s the end of breakfast right now.”

“-oh, right...”

The sheepish tinge to Sirius’ behaviour was starting to unnerve Remus, in fact so much so that he quickly persisted in their somewhat stilted conversation.

“Let’s grab something quick, they might still have some sausages if you’re lucky, I think we have charms next-”

Eyes loosing focus, he slowly trailed off as he tried to recall what spells Flitwick may have moved on to in class whilst they’d been absent.

However, his mention of food seemed to have the desired effect on Sirius. With an impatient huff he grabbed Remus’ elbow; steering them at a more purposeful pace into the great hall.

“I think we may be re-visiting tickling charms” Remus mused as they found themselves bombarded by the delicious smell of fried breakfast and the muted hum of late-comers’ conversation before they inevitably left to start lessons for the day.

A grey-gold light filtered through the arching glass windows and a cornflower-blue sky, interrupted by hazy grey cloud, hung overhead.

Instantly, Sirius gravitated towards a mound of sweet-looking pastries displayed enticingly on the Gryffindor table but Remus paused as he noticed a waving arm attempting to catch his attention from over on the far end of the Hufflepuff table. Recognising the figure, he smiled and raised a hand in return before wandering in the consequent direction.

“Giles, hey” Remus smiled warmly as the Hufflepuff boy pushed his glasses up his nose and stood to greet him, brown curls flopping over his eyes as a bright grin stretched over his face.

“Good to see you well again Remus”

Moony bobbed his head awkwardly, in what he hoped was an adequate response, and searched his mind quickly for a new conversation topic.

“So uh, what have I missed?”

“Oh just going over basic stuff from our OWLs, think we got up to…” Giles’ brow furrowed in thought. “…tickling charms?”

A hand clapped on Moony’s shoulder, making him jump violently.

“Tickling charms! Exactly what you were saying just now, wasn’t it Rem?”

Sirius had materialised behind him, seemingly out of nowhere, and shot a disarming smile towards Giles.  He flicked his hair effortlessly out of his face and brushed at Remus’ shoulder to remove apparently non-existent dirt in an almost habitual gesture; seeming somehow unaware that he was doing so.

“Remus always complains that I usually don’t know what month it is-” Sirius’ grip extended so that his arm now rested across both Remus’ shoulders in a seemingly carefree fashion; yet the way his arm tightened over Moony seemed to contain an almost possessive note; and brought a slight warmth to Remus’ cheeks.

 “-but since he’s basically a walking planner I suppose I get lazy…”

Remus gave a half-hearted glare to Sirius but Giles merely chuckled and glanced between the two of them as if a sudden realisation was beginning to dawn on him, before pulling some books up off of the table next to him.

“Well, I better get going, need to drop these books back for Madame Pince before charms, or she might kill me”

“Too right” Sirius grinned. “That woman is fierce-” his expression became mildly traumatised as he gazed into the space beside Giles’ head “-and not in a good way”

The Hufflepuff laughed bemusedly as he waved in departure and Remus attempted to give Sirius a mildly unimpressed glance; but couldn’t help a tiny grin breaking onto his face.

“You know full well the only reason Pince hates you is because of that stunt with the swelling solution in fourth year”

Sirius conceded silently, nodding with a wistful look spreading across his face.

“Too true Moons, too true”

Remus’s attention had become rather captivated with a strand of long dark hair that had fallen across Sirius’s face; tickling the other boy’s parted lips.

_Dry, warm lips, pressed open mouthed; terribly soft, against the back of his neck._

His brow furrowed as he tried to recall… _it was what? Dream? Memory?_

But it must have been part his dream. Sirius didn’t, couldn’t-

_And yet…_

“C’mon” Remus interjected, voice rather rough in contrast to the previous, too-heavy silence between them.

Sirius seemed to break from a reverie too and hummed a “Sure…” in response before giving a paused, unreadable glance over Remus and then starting back out of the hall.

 

* * *

 

 

They were about half way through their charms lesson, and Remus was watching in amusement at the crumpled figure of Sirius at James’ feet on the other side of the classroom. Sirius was clutching at his sides and almost weeping with laughter, whilst his best friend rendered an undoubtedly perfect tickling charm on him; with a look of utter glee in his bespectacled hazel eyes.

“Remus… Remus! Stop with the heart-eyes” his gaze slid over to where Lily was planted before him, arms crossed and a half exasperated, half amused expression on her face; yet her eyes too seemed to be tracking the activities of the devious double-act across the classroom which rang with the breathless laughter and loud incantations  of their NEWT level class.

Smirking, Lily shook her head and stepped towards Remus’ side to join him, leaning against one of the rather battle-worn desks which had been pushed against the walls amidst the chaos.

“I mean I’m all for the staring, don’t get me wrong” She conceded “ You’re not nearly as tragically obvious as Marlene and Dorcas are, Lordy living in the same room as _that_ tensions.” She muttered. “Plus it’s practically thrilling to witness one of you troll-brained idiots actually come to acknowledge and accepting your man-feelings” Remus’ jaw tightened slightly as he protested.

“Lily he doesn’t-”

“Really?” She tilted her body slightly to look at him. “I mean you really believe he couldn’t possible have feelings for you” The ring of disbelief in her voice was clear.

Remus frowned.

 “I mean I was all for trusting your judgment on the matter to begin with” she admitted, “But I don’t know Remus… the way he acts around you, the way he _looks_ at you…”

Unwittingly, his eyes wandered back to the scene occurring by Flitwick’s desk.

James had reached to help Sirius up and then promptly dropped him back on his arse. Remus clearly read the words _you little shit_ amongst the stream of curses gracing Sirius’ lips as he staggered to his feet and set upon his attacker; slinging his arm roughly around the other’s shoulders and rubbing his knuckles into James’ already atrociously groomed hair.

Their interactions were careless, brotherly. He and Sirius had never been like that, but Remus didn’t think it would fit them. The way Sirius’ arm had been around his shoulders this morning, well, it was worlds away from the boisterous sling around James’ neck.

_But come on. This was Sirius._

He thought back to the hazy mix of dream and memory confused from their last night in the hospital wing.

It _had_ to be a dream. But-

_The lips pressed to his neck, and the,_ he blushed internally … _something else… which had been pressed firmly to his arse._

Maybe Lily had a point.

Remus looked back at her and she expelled a small “Ahah!” at the Scarlet tinge to his ears as he squirmed under her gaze.

“Well there’s only one way to find out Remus” She pinned him with her bright, steely gaze.

He huffed under his breath

“Yeah, because there’s no way that this could turn out embarrassing or downright painful”

Lily’s expression softened slightly as she pulled a long red wave if hair from her face

“It’s better than the alternative”

Remus dipped his head and they stood in contented silence together for a few minutes. They had found very early into the lesson that there was no real need for them to brush up on this particular spell above initial recollection.

Indeed the same was undoubtedly true of Sirius and James but the two muppets enjoyed any excuse to cause havoc in the classroom, and thus their over-zealous charm war had begun.

_In fact…_ Remus looked up to see the aforementioned muppets now approaching them with Peter in tow and their ties loose around their necks from their tussle; as the rest of the class vacated the classroom.

James surveyed the group with a grin spread wide on his face.

“Well all-in-all gang, I’d say a good lesson!”

Lily rolled her eyes but the corners of her lips were still twitching treacherously upwards.

“Hmm, didn’t look like you two were up to much practice though” Sirius looked sideways at Remus with a mischievous glint in his eye “Are you sure you’re really up to scratch?”

Moony’s hand dove towards his pocket for his wand too late as Sirius lunged at Remus to put tickling to practice in a much more practical manner.

He yelped as the treacherous fingers went straight to the weak spots underneath his arms and Sirius grinned delightedly as Remus gasped an indignant “Sirius you ba- bastard!” between gulps of air and crippling laughter as he fought to try and reclaim control of the situation.

James had whooped in delight at his friend’s new assault and after his gaze had met, and backed down from, challenging stare from Lily, he turned his grin to Peter whose expression had morphed from excitement to horror at an impressive speed as he realised his impending doom.

By now Remus had quickly descended to the ground in a pile of flailing limbs and as his second attempt to writhe free of Sirius’ grip failed Remus changed his tactic and managed to grab around one of his opponent’s wrists; then the other before giving a huff of relief.

“You – will not – escape!” Sirius exclaimed exuberantly, hair tangled about his face as he attempted to free himself from Moony’s grasp.

With the sudden realisation that Sirius genuinely _couldn’t_ release his arms from Remus’ grip, he used his strength to throw them round so that he was now pinning Sirius to the ground with an air of victory to his expression.

“You sure about that Padfoot?” Remus smirked.

Sirius gazed up with a rather impressed look at his fellow Marauder, but a sudden heat engulfing his skin with a rosy tinge as he realised that _Remus was pinning him to the floor._

They were both breathing hard and Remus’ strong, bronzed hands were easily keeping Sirius’ in check.

Padfoot was perfectly aware of Remus’ mischievous streak, he had been the mastermind behind many of their most successful schemes, and as a werewolf a certain amount of increased metabolism to compensate for the change, meant superior strength was a no-brainer. But _combined,_ and directed _right at him._

The weight of the other pinned on his torso, the smell of chocolate and ink and oranges _right there._

“Planning on keeping me here long Moony?” The other’s smirk widened.

“What if I am?”

He swallowed dryly and felt Remus’ gaze suddenly zero in on the movement of his throat.

“Well I am rather overpowered here” Sirius pointed out.

“Mmm… but you love it” Remus jested.

Sirius’ eyes widened as the other’s words struck dangerously close to the truth. And, _wait_ Sirius thought as he studied the rich brown eyes above him _did Remus… know? No. It’s not as if Remus would even-_

At that moment James bound back towards them, Peter seemed to have finally conjured a decent protection charm about himself, and now Prongs tutted at them, oblivious to the thrumming tension around them

“Aw c’mon Sirius you’re not even putting up a fight!”

Lily appeared at his side and raised a smug eyebrow at Remus who looked as if he was waking from a trance-like state.

“He knows resistance is futile” Remus managed to quip as he pulled himself and a rather flustered looking Sirius to his feet.

“Too right” Sirius muttered, stealing a long glance at Moony as he brushed dirt off of his clothes.

They all collected up their various books and meandered towards the door.  Lily seemed to be trying extremely hard not to burst into laughter.

“Anyway you lot” James started with a grin “We need to start planning.”

“Hogsmeade this weekend!” Peter quipped.

“Exactly Peter. Evans you coming?”

Lily huffed and then, to the other Marauders’ surprise said “Of course. Someone’s got to keep you morons in line.”

James was smiling from ear to ear. “Then it’s a date!”

They waited for the usual scoffing reply, but Lily held James’ gaze for several moments and something seemed to shift behind her eyes before she shrugged,

“I guess it is then” before turning neatly down the next corridor towards her Ancient Runes class, and leaving them all gaping flabbergasted in her wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too long since I posted, believe me I know. I seem to (finally) be regaining my momentum with this fic so hopefully more where this comes from.
> 
> I'm also thinking of doing some possible one-shots with some of my other ships, I'm thinking possible Destiel and Mckirk to come, Maybe even some Cullen/Inquisitor fom DAI if you're lucky, so let me know if there are any preferences or other suggestions.
> 
> Obviously though getting this fic finished is my top priority at the moment, there is even possibility of a sequel to this (if it EVER ends) as I have plenty ideas that have been swimming around my head for years about where the boys' path leads with the first war looming, but I didn't wan't to continue it within this fic itself as I think quite frankly by the time this part is finally finished it will have been quite long enough!
> 
> Thank you to all you wonderful, wonderful people for reading, followers for continuing to be insanely patient and amazing reviewers for keeping me afloat through two years (Yes two years) of this brilliant monstrosity of a fic and especially to those poor souls who have been here from the very beginning.
> 
> See you all soon (-ish)


	14. Hogsmeade

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me” Sirius huffed, glancing over at his best friend whose attempt at sheepishness was being ruined spectacularly by the shit eating  grin spread wide across his face.

“Sorry mate” James handed Sirius a butterbeer; genuine apology in his eyes. “But it was part of the agreement.”

“The agreement!” Sirius exclaimed in outrage.  James shrugged and took a swig of his own drink.

“Don’t worry Sirius” Remus sunk onto the seat next to him and gave Lily a mock dark look as she approached their table “I wasn’t told either”.

“Oh boo hoo” Lily stuck her tongue out at him before perching herself neatly next to James; who promptly put his arm around her. She rolled her eyes, giving her now not-so-secret boyfriend a half-hearted glare, but settled into his side nonetheless.

“They both have been acting rather odd these past months though” Peter pointed out as he joined them, stuffed his gloves in his pocket; cheeks bright red from the wintry air outside.

Lily looked rather miffed but Sirius turned to look up thoughtfully at Peter.

“Y’know, now I come to think of it Petey, James has been a bit different recently, more… _sneaky”_

“Come off it!” James scoffed.

“No it’s true” Remus agreed, narrowing his eyes and smirking at Lily. “I never see you two on head boy and girl duties anymore while I’m doing the prefect rounds…” A chorus of knowing exclamation and wave of raised eyebrows swept across the table.

“Yeah, and Jamie’s always at least half an hour late back from Quidditch practice even after everyone else has got back” Sirius sniggered.

“Probably around the time Lily’s in ‘ _the library’_ ” Remus supplemented, grinning around the lip of his own bottle of butterbeer as he took a swig.

“Point proven” Peter nodded as he deposited his coat on one of the free seats. “Anyone for another drink?”

Lily ignored Remus’s smug look directed at her and asked for some more mead; Sirius shrugged and requested a fire whiskey, then Peter turned and began to wend between tables and all manner of raucous, drunken people who were filling The Three Broomsticks; to reach the bar and hail Madame Rosmerta.

 “Good ol’ Petey” Sirius said fondly as he drained the last dregs of his butterbeer. “I mean he’s sometimes a bit dim bless him, but you can’t deny he’s pretty quick off the mark every now and then.”

Remus tilted his head from side to side consideringly.

“Yeah surprisingly astute our Peter” James nodded and smiled at Lily, who returned the gesture.

“Circe I am _not_ going get used to _that”_ Sirius gave a mock shudder and looked warily between the couple. “Seriously Evans, stop looking at him all, all…”

“Gooey eyed” Remus supplied.

“Yeah that” Sirius winced exaggeratedly as James kissed the top of Lily’s head. “It’s disturbing”

Lily smiled sweetly at her cringing friend and leant more obviously against James.

“Ergh, save me Rem!” he declared throwing himself dramatically at Remus and burying his head into the other’s shoulder to shield his eyes from the apparently offensive spectacle.

Remus chuckled lowly, resting his palm against the head that was attempting to meld into his jumper.

“I think you might have to get used to it Sirius”

 A muffled groan of protest emitted from against his chest and Remus smiled as he brushed the dark strands of hair that were tickling him away from his neck.

 Peter approached the table, glancing at the form of Sirius flung against Remus, before looking up at Lily with a questioning expression. She smirked and then shrugged innocently as Peter placed the drinks on the table.

“Oh thank Merlin!” Sirius proclaimed as he disentangled himself and swept the tumbler into his hand, inhaling the scent of the amber liquid.

“Steady there Pad- Sirius” James grinned as his friend emptied half of the glass in one gulp “at that rate you won’t make it to closing time, never mind back up to the castle”

Sirius ignored him, revelling in the whiskey searing down his throat and giving the welcome feel of flames heating his insides. He exhaled a contented sigh.

“Sometimes I worry about you” Remus said mildly, eying his companion’s blissed out expression from behind his own drink.

Sirius snorted “Says the one who can handle more drink than several giantesses.”

“Exactly my point”

Sirius gave a defiant glare and downed the rest of his drink.

Shaking his head Remus tried not to grin too widely to himself. Turning his head away, he noticed two figures dusted with flecks of snow making a beeline for their table.

“Marley!” Lily called merrily as the two girls squeezed themselves past a particularly large group of goblins to finally reach their table. The blond practically bounced forward, nose pink and scattering snow and she threw herself on her friend.

“Oi Oi Marls” Sirius greeted from where he had begun to lean closer towards Remus’ side.

“Sirikins!” She simpered jokingly and pinched the offended party’s cheek before he had time to move away.

“Alright Dorcas?” James called out to the willowy, calm figure of Marlene’s counterpart, standing slightly back from the buzzing energy of her companion.

“James” she acknowledged with slight nod and a quirk of her lips, before shifting her eyes from him to Lily. “You finally told them then?”

“What!” came the exclamations of outrage from Sirius and Remus as they sat up in shock.

“You told _them_?”

“Don’t be silly, look at their faces” Marlene countered brusquely, pointing between the startled expressions of James and Lily.

“But it _was_ rather obvious” Dorcas remarked, inexplicably making the unwinding of her scarf look almost graceful. Marlene shook out her fluffy mane of blond hair and then glancing at Dorcas, gave a distasteful grimace.

“How is it, your hair is always perfect?” she grumbled; eyeing the flawless sheet of the other girl’s inky shining hair. “Seriously, _how?_ You were wearing a hat for Merlin’s sake!”

Dorcas shrugged with a minute smirk “Lucky with the gene-pool?” she suggested.

“Well one family running the Mahoutokoro School for three centuries says something for genetics don’t you think?” James quipped.

Dorcas snorted lightly. “For my mum’s side of the family maybe”

“Still too bloody perfect” Marlene muttered as Dorcas took a seat.

Sirius grimaced wryly “At least you lot _have_ good traits to inherit from your families”. He went for a tone of light mocking but Remus noticed the strain in the others’ voice behind the sarcasm. Wordlessly, he brought his hand down on top of Sirius’ under the table, rubbing a broad thumb soothingly over the others’ clenched knuckles. Padfoot’s muscles seemed to relax minutely at the gesture.

Marlene too, had noted the change in Sirius and reluctantly drew her eyes from studying Dorcas’ profile; ramping up her vivacious persona to full swing as she hauled at a resistant Sirius’ arm.

“C’mon Black, let’s do the next drinks round”

 The raven haired boy’s expression perked up significantly and he rose fully to his feet while Marlene smiled widely and handed him his glass. “Looks like you could do with a refill”

Remus nodded almost imperceptibly at Marlene in thanks as she and Sirius headed out towards the bar; eyes tracking the tense, leather clad shoulders of his friend making their way through the crowd with a crease of worry between his brows.

 

* * *

 

 

Marlene skipped ahead merrily, hips swaying in a way that only her curvaceous form could pull off; something Sirius could at least appreciate from an aesthetic point of view. 

After all they had, very briefly, had a fling in their fifth year, but had found that really, they worked much better as friends.

“Alright there Black?” Marlene’s tone was joking but there was a soft touch of understanding in her gaze, “You look like a Niffler that lost its gold.”

With a rather wan smile, Sirius huffed a laugh.

“Just… thinking”

“Dangerous” Marlene muttered as they halted behind a group of warlocks trying to haggle with Madame Rosmerta at the bar. Sirius huffed in begrudged amusement.

“Don’t I know it”

“Who is it? Remus?”

“Yeah”

“Thought as much” She nodded sagely.

“What about you?” Sirius queried as he turned to fully look at her; noting her glance back to the table and slight bite of the lip.

“Ahh, Dorcas, right? Should’ve known”

They both turned their heads to stare back towards the table for a moment, then Rosmerta’s appearance brought Marlene back into awareness and she ordered their drinks. Sirius sneaked his own drink away as soon as it was poured, taking a swig.

“It’s just… I don’t know if he – if he could…”

Marlene scoffed as she handed over several sickles.

“C’mon, you must’ve seen the way he looks at you” Sirius looked doubtful. “Well you should at least make a move”

“You’re one to talk”

Marlene sighed. “It’s… complicated. Dorcas-” her eyes seemed to fix somewhere in the distance. “She’s not into sex really-” She shrugged, “-always said so. Which is fine with me, surprisingly. I mean, you know I like sex-“The blond gave him an impish grin “-but when it comes to Dorcas-” She paused a moment, as if working something out in her head. “It’s just… not about that. I want to be with her, but even just spending time together is great; I want her to know that I don’t need anything from her- Ugh!” she laughed. “I just want us to, oh I don’t know it sounds stupid… I just want us to be _us”_

“Poetic” Sirius smirked

“Shut up!” she elbowed him sharply, grinning. “Thing is,” she continued “I don’t know if it’s just sex she’s not into, or whether it’s the whole-”she gesticulated vaguely “Romance thing.”

“Ah, so you don’t want to make a move or say something that might-”

“Make her uncomfortable, yeah”

“But seriously Marls-“he said as she picked up the tray of drinks “Just talk to her? Just, ask her about it.”

“But I’m no good at…” she sighed, “I suppose, it’s just… she’s my best friend, and I don’t want to, to-”

“Loose her”

Marlene nodded mutely as they stopped and contemplated the route back to the table.

“You’re preaching to the choir Marley”

She laughed her low warm chuckle which Sirius had come to love.

“Alright smartarse” She challenged, pausing to look at him. “I’ll talk to her, but only if you finally do something about you and Remus”

Sirius grimaced and let his eyes roam back to the table. Two new figures had stopped by it. A tall gangly boy with a mop of sandy hair that had to be Frank Longbottom, and another he was finding hard to distinguish, shorter and slimmer with fine features…

_Wait, was it, Giles? Yeah, That Hufflepuff that was with Remus this morning…_

The shorter boy seemed to be chatting amicably with Dorcas and Remus; both of whom looked thoroughly interested in what he was saying. Sirius clenched his teeth.

Logically, he knew Giles was simply being friendly to his classmates and most-likely had no further motives, _but still…_

“Fine” Sirius muttered resolutely as they began to advance through the crowd again.

“Wait-”Marlene looked shocked. “-Seriously?”

“Seriously” His friend searched his expression for a moment, but seeming to approve. She nodded once and dodged round the last obstacle between them and their table; setting the tray of drinks down with a flourish.

 

Voila!” Marlene exclaimed jovially as she began passing the glasses around.

“So Rem-” Sirius began, perching himself rather precariously on the arm of the others’ chair. “-what we were saying about your drinking abilities mirroring a giantess…” He passed the other boy his butterbeer and a rather full tumbler of fire-whiskey.

The look of apprehension that Sirius was half expecting didn’t appear. Instead, Remus smirked and pulled the glass of amber liquid – which, Sirius noted, was extraordinarily close to the colour of Remus’ eyes – right towards him.

“I hope you won’t embarrass yourself trying to keep up Black, don’t want to end up _carrying_ you back to the castle”

“How about if you get to carry me in a fireman’s lift?”

“Bridal style”

“Done”

Moony gave a wolfish grin and downed the drink in one.

“Impressive Remus!” Giles grinned.

 Sirius flicked his hair back and downed his own drink, his glare making Giles’ smile falter as he slammed his glass back onto the table; using perhaps a tad more force than was really necessary.

“Well if you’re going to be like that-” Marlene smirked as she eyed them both, “-we may as well open the contest up to the floor… give Remus some _real_ competition” she gave Sirius a devious wink before perusing the group. “So… anyone else in?”

“Might as well” Frank grinned, sinking into Sirius’ earlier vacated seat. Dorcas merely raised an eyebrow, but apparently this surmounted to a ‘yes’ as Marlene grinned back at her and Peter eventually nodded in an almost pained way; no doubt remembering the result of the last drinking contest he had gotten into amongst his comparatively more drink hardened friends.

Marlene’s bright gaze swept the group appreciatively and beside her, Dorcas produced a deck of cards from the depths of her long, woollen coat. They caught each other’s eye, and grinned as the cards began to shuffle themselves in mid-air.

The blond spread her arms wide, “Then let’s play.”

 

* * *

 

 

Several games and several more rounds of drinks later, the table was surrounded by easy grins and raucous laughter as Frank righted Peter back onto his barstool for the third time that evening.

Remus grinned to himself as he observed Lily attempting to explain some muggle card games to the rather intoxicated group. A warm buzz had begun to manifest in the back of his mind, heat creeping through his body and indicating an impressively tipsy state for the werewolf to achieve with his slightly enhanced metabolism.

A hand clapped him on the shoulder and Moony tilted his head to see Sirius, a wide, easy grin on his face as he placed more drinks down with a flourish.

“Votre boisson, mon amour!” he said with impeccable pronunciation, though, Remus noted dryly, his friend’s sudden tight grip on his bicep rather gave away quite how much Sirius had had to drink.

“What?” Giles exclaimed with a dazed look at Sirius before looking over to Remus, “Did he just call you-”

“Jus’ ig-ignore ‘im” Peter hiccupped from where he was slumped in his chair.

Remus nodded wisely “He comes over all French when he’s plastered” he explained “The posh twat aspect of his upbringing just shines through”

“Oi!” Sirius yelped, planting himself back on the arm of Remus’ chair with a dignified wobble, “I resent that!”

“He only complains because it’s true” Marlene smirked from where she had been chatting with Dorcas and Frank. “You’re lucky he hasn’t started on the Latin…”

Remus snorted “Yeah, that’s when you know he’s well and truly fucked”

Sirius huffed and toppled delicately into Remus’ lap.

“Nothin’ wrong with being well’n truly fucked” he half mumbled as he reached for his drink; completely unfazed by his new seating arrangement.

“…What?”

“What?” Sirius smirked innocently and sipped at his fire whiskey. 

“Idiot” Moony muttered, ears reddening as the other boy reclined back onto his lap in a languid sprawl.

“Just stating facts”

 Sirius’s eyes dropped to look over Moony, eyes tracking lazily up the broad frame beneath him, pausing briefly on lips that were parted in surprise before meeting Remus’ slightly wide-eyed gaze.

“Why, don’t you agree Rem?”

Remus found his gaze captured by the way Sirius’ lips formed the familiar nickname, and swallowed thickly.

“I- uh, you’re not wrong” he managed to reply hoarsely.

Sirius was, flirting with him? Not the usual sly puns and exaggerated advances that he bestowed on everyone from James to one notably daring attempt on McGonagall… but, actually _flirting._

 _No way…_ and yet the way he’d been acting, now Remus thought about it; their usual casual touches just a tad too long and then there was that-that _look_ in his eyes.

Remus blinked and lifted his gaze and finding dark blue eyes still directed towards his – warm and curious and almost… assessing? There was that ever so slight crease between Sirius’ brows; that tiny set of his jaw that gave him away.

Dimly he noted several members of their party leaving the table – Peter heading back with Giles, Frank swept off by Alice Fortescue and Marlene gently tugging Dorcas after her with determined look to her movements; slapping Sirius on the shoulder as she passed. 

“Well we might head back too” James announced, standing and stretching out his lanky frame. Remus turned his head slightly dazedly, nodding; watching as Lily shrugged on her coat and briefly met his gaze.

“Have a good evening you two”

“Here” James leant over the table and deposited his invisibility cloak in Remus’ lap “Since being the head boy and girl gives us a pretty good excuse if we get caught back at the castle, you two trolls probably need this more.”

“If they even make it back” Lily smirked.

“Thanks”

Lily waved, grinning, and they wondered out the door; leaving a flurry of snow in their wake.

 

Sirius leant back against Remus’ chest. “might get another drink” he muttered, squinting towards the bar.

“Hmm, but then you’d have to move” Remus pointed out.

Sirius sighed and sunk further against Moony “But I’d have alcohol”

“You’ve already had a fair amount”

“True” he conceded.

Remus shifted and Sirius fell back against him with a surprised “Oof”.

“Sorry” he said, flustered; about to move back.

“Don’t be” The words seemed slightly breathless as Sirius moved, backside pressing into Remus’ crotch.

He sighed involuntarily into Sirius’ neck, hips raising minutely to meet the friction before he could stop himself.

“Shit”

“Rem-” Sirius’ head was tilted, eyes dark and hazy.

“Y-you’re drunk...” the statement was unsure; manifesting more as a question.

“Dutch courage”

“Huh, why would you need-?”

Sirius leant in, nose grazing the shell of Remus’ ear. “Why d’you think?”

Moony’s hands tightened on the arms of his chair as Sirius pressed himself against him again, Remus could feel himself beginning to harden in his boxers.

“Oh” he sucked in a breath “Then we should probably go.”

Sirius hummed, and slowly brought himself to his feet with a more languid take on his usual grace before pulling Remus up in one surprisingly swift motion. “Lets.”

 

* * *

 

 

They stumbled out if the three broomsticks, Sirius leaning heavily on Remus’ shoulders as they worked their way across the already compacted, slippery layer of snow just outside the pubs entrance.

“S’cold” Sirius mumbled as they started in the vague direction of Honeydukes.

“Well if you wore a coat instead of a bloody leather jacket like a normal human being-“

“Yeah yeah, you hate my jacket, well I’m sorry-“

“I never said that” Remus replied with amusement. Sirius turned, stumbling slightly, to peer at him.

“But-”

“I never said I didn’t _like_ the jacket, it’s just not a practical wardrobe choice for this-” he gestured to the snow that was continuing to fall around them, “not that you ever _make_ practical wardrobe choices,” he added, “but that definitely doesn’t mean I don’t like it”

Sirius considered him hazily for a moment and then a sly look graced his features.

“You _really_ like it” he grinned.

“Mhmm” Remus agreed as he met his friend’s eyes.

“A lot?” Sirius had detangled himself from his companion’s shoulders and began to walk backwards to observe Moony’s expression as they continued down the street.

 Remus let his eyes track across the figure his friend cut against the snowy background, pausing deliberately on the jacket in question before rising back to meet Sirius’ gaze.

“A lot.” Remus conceded, “But personally I prefer what’s _in_ the jacket”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and Moony couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face.

“Ah Rem you just had to ruin the moment”

“So that _was_ a moment?”

Something softened in Sirius’ eyes and around the corners of his mouth as he glanced back up to meet Remus’ gaze. “Well I’d hoped so…”

Moony shook his head in wonder “My God we’ve been thick”

Sirius took a step towards his him with a wry smile, “yep, absolute idiots”

“Utterly blind-”

 “Stubborn-”

"Complete bloody morons” Remus concluded, bringing himself closer. They were almost toe to toe now, the only sound their soft breathing and a faint chatter from the Three Broomsticks muffled now by distance and falling snow. Sirius’ cheeks had turned rosy with cold and he leant in further, shoulders hunched against the cold; seeking the warmth radiating off of Remus.

And then his lips were pressed against Remus’, body crushing against the others’ sturdy form as his hands curled inside Remus’ coat, into the layers of clothing; seeking warmth, seeking something to desperately cling onto and never let go. And Remus was kissing back fervently, one hand on the back of Sirius’ head, winding into snow-dampened hair and pulling him in closer; the other hand at the small of his back, pressing insistently.

Sirius went to take a step back, but with the icy ground he lost his footing and they went crashing to the floor, snow and mud everywhere, both of them piled on top of one another and they were laughing and groaning at the fall and then they were kissing again amongst the laughter.

 

Snow continued to fall around them and even with their combined body heat the wet ground and icy air started to take effect. Sirius pulled away for a moment to disguise a chattering of teeth but was given away as a large shudder wracked his frame.

“You’re cold.” Remus murmured against his neck.”

“N-no” Sirius protested meekly, trying to press himself more insistently against his companion.

“Yes” stated Remus, completely un-fooled. “C’mon, up.” He began to rise from their place on the floor but Sirius tugged at his arm.

“ _Moony”_ he insisted.

“ _Padfoot”_ Remus retorted, smirking. “Come on, it’ll be warm back at the castle, think, there’s fires, furniture…” he trailed off, smiling wider and offered his arm again, Sirius eyed it grumpily before taking it; rising to his feet with a quiet ‘ _oof!’_ and attempting to brush the worst of the snow from his clothing, before re-attaching himself to Remus’ arm. “ Besides,” Remus smiled, wrapping his arms under Sirius’ jacket “You’re no good to me frozen.”

“True,” Sirius sighed dramatically, “And then you really would have to carry me back to the castle”, they both grinned as they rounded the last corner before they reached the hidden passageway, thinking ahead to the dry, warm castle and the fragile possibility of what lay ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm gonna be honest I was kind of giving up on this, I had about half of the chapter done in December but I wanted to give a bit more than I'd written to you all since it had been so long and then the whole plan backfired with an impressively catastrophic case of writers block, and here we are in June.   
> Thank you to those of you who commented and left kudos over the last few months, that's pretty much what resurrected my willpower to write this fic from the brink. I'm going to try my utmost to bring this to a close at some point, but I think I owe a little more of various aspects of the story before I do that. I really hope you enjoy this and I can't begin to say how sorry I am for the wait but here you are!
> 
> Any feedback of what you've thought of the story so far, where you'd potentially like to see it going and any other comments big or small are all extremely welcome, and just thanks for staying with me guys - it really means a lot.

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to update as often as possible but posting may be irregular as with work, studying and often quite a bad case of writer's block it can be hard to get chapters up easily. 
> 
> Please please Favourite, Follow and Review! I love getting feedback and it really gives me motivation to carry on writing and lets me know what to improve which is invaluable to my work.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!


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